Teenage neighbor exposing himself to toddler

[kkski]

It has come to our attention recently that a 13 year old neighbor has most likely exposed himself to our 3 year old son.  We were made aware of this by another adult neighbor who witnessed our son pull down his pants and when he was told not to do that, responded "Stevie did it".  I am pretty sure my son would not have made an issue out of this or even mentioned it to us...being 3yo I know he sees nothing wrong with his body or anyone elses.  When we asked him about the incident, he was very matter-of-fact in saying that yes, it did happen.  He was able to clearly describe exactly  where they were and what his perception was of what happened, how the boy pulled his pants down, and my son's own reaction ("That's disgusting!" and continuing to play in the yard).  The older boy vehemently denies anything happened, ("That's perverted!  I would never do that!), explaining it away as wearing baggy shorts that day.  My husband and I are alarmed.  There has been some questionable behavior exhibited by this boy on several other occasions, including being in neighbor's house without permission, logging on to neighbor's computer without permission, and looking into neighbor's windows.  I feel in my heart that the incident transpired closer to my son's account than the older boy...I don't believe that this 3yo has the ability to spin something like this in any way but the truth.  (And the fact remains that my son still really looks up to this older boy...wants to play in the driveway with him, shoot hoops, etc).  The boy's father insists that, if in fact this did happen, it was probably a one-time thing, stupidity, a teenager not thinking, etc., and that my son's perception of what happened may not be accurate.  I have been in elementary education for 15 years and feel quite differently.  Any thoughts you can give us on this would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

There isn't much point in pursuing any further whether the teen did expose himself to your son. It's fair to assume that he did and to proceed now with caution about any contact he might have with your son. Suffice it to say that there should be no opportunity for the teen to be with your son in any unsupervised situation. Sometimes as parents we let our supervision lapse when we are in our own neighborhod. But, to be realistic, a three-year-old should not be with a teen unsupervised in any case. The probability that the teen did just what your son described is heightened by the other behaviors you reported in your note. This teenage boy appears to have some problems and clearly needs some help. It would be very reasonable for you to approach the parents of the teenage boy and express your concern for him and the need for help that his behavior invites.

[Little Darling]

Report this incident to the police. This is probably not a one time incident. You should believe your child. It sounds like this teenager has problems and his parents are in denial. In addition, keep you child away from this teenager. You don't want this teenager to molest your son.

[mommie2]

You should also uderstand that if you keep this incident to yourself the teen may go on to molest or expose himself to another small child. Please do report this incident, at least then it is noted and if the police do nothing now, if it happens again then it is on record. Also, you reporting may cause the parents to snap out of denial and maybe seek some help for him. If the teen goes without help and he has a real problem he will grow up and the problem will grow with him,

[Jmmiller]

It sounds to me like the teen's parents are in denial about their son's behavior.  It is not your responsibility to change him, only to protect your son.  There should be no opportunity for this type of thing to happen again.  He should not be near your son, ever, unsupervised.  A 13-yr old boy should have friends his own age and should not even be interested in 'shooting hoops' with a 3-yr old.  

Always trust your gut!  Visit www.yourchildrenshealth.com for more tips and articles on protecting your children.  Good luck!

[xmsrlong]

Keep your son away from this boy.  Something similar happened to me when I was a child and that boy ended up shooting his mother in the head.  Keep him away!!!!

[bravok]

some parents have a hard tim admiting that there child has a problam  and if this boy has been cought looking in windows or in other peoples houses without permison letaloneon there computer there is somthing obviasly not good with this kid and may be you need to report this to the police so he can get the help he needs from the sounds of it the parints are just blaming it on being a teen and that will do him no good in the long run pleas explain to your child that this boy has done some things that are not very good and that you dont think it would be good for him to play with him any more

[bravok]

some parents have a hard tim admiting that there child has a problam  and if this boy has been cought looking in windows or in other peoples houses without permison letaloneon there computer there is somthing obviasly not good with this kid and may be you need to report this to the police so he can get the help he needs from the sounds of it the parints are just blaming it on being a teen and that will do him no good in the long run pleas explain to your child that this boy has done some things that are not very good and that you dont think it would be good for him to play with him any more

[marvy999]

A related discussion, Adolescent Child Age 12 was started.