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Teenage son with a new step dad
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Teenage son with a new step dad

My son is 15 and has ADHD.  He was adopted at birth by my ex and me,  and there seems to be possibly another personality issue. We are not sure if there may be some genetic tendency towards any other disorder and it has been suggested that he may have a slight case of Asberger's Syndrome.  I recently remarried to a wonderful man who is trying very hard to accept my son.  My husband and my 11 year old daughter are adjusting great along with his three children and me.  We have been married a month and date for over a year and a half before we married.

The issue is that my son is very immature for his age, very clingy to me, very argumentative and very arrogant acting.  He is not very social and does not like social situations.  He is very feminine for a boy also which tends to bother most men.  My son tends to say some very critical things to my daughter and me and this really bothers his step dad.  I get very tense when he is with us trying to keep him quiet and everyone happy.  What can we do to start building a relationship between he and his step dad to at least make the weekends/weeks he is with us easier?  I love my son, but will admit that he has been a challenge his entire life.  I want him to grow up feeling completely accepted and loved in spite of his issue, but I cannot let it interfer with his sisters well being either.  I did consider not marrying again in order to keep his life simple, but I was very lonely myself.  I am sure selfishness will not help him either.  
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As you know, the issue goes way beyond developing a relationship with his stepfather. If that  were all you were facing it would not be a challenge. Your son's issues are broader in nature and the relationship with his stepfather is just the latest wrinkle. He should be receiving help, and it's up to you and his father to see that he gets the help he needs.
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