Teens and Self Image

Our 13 year old daughter is convinced she needs to lose fat in her thighs and behind.  She is 5'5" tall and weighs 121 pounds.  She tells us she wants to weigh 115 pounds, but I think her goal is 105-110.  She eats only healthy foods and exercises daily and is losing about 1 pound a week.  I'm concerned with her obsessiveness in regards to only 3 meals a day, no snacks, and no second helpings.  She won't even take an extra helping of carrots at dinner or a snack of an apple or half a turkey sandwhich because she says she is not hungry.  But I feel she is just trying to avoid eating anything but three meals.  She is convinced she will like the way she looks when she weighs less.  When should we seek professional help for this situation.  Our family doctor said to bring her in when she goes below 117 pounds.  I'm not sure what to do or what to say to her because she feels she knows what is best for her.  She has 3 friends that are very thin, but she says she does not compare herself to them she just doesn't like her thighs and behind.  Explaining to her that everyone has different metabolisms, genetics, etc. has not made a difference.  She just feels she knows what is best.  Any help you could give us would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you.  Patti

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Patti,

Follow your doctor's guidance. Thus far, your daughter's situation is not alarming. As long as she is eating three nutritional meals each day, she'll likely be fine, though you should do what you can to assure proper nutritional balance, particularly a sufficient amount of protein in her diet.

The absence of between-meal snacks may actually be a benefit - in and of itself, it's not a problem.

However, your daughter's preoccupation with her weight makes her vulnerable to developing an eating disorder - she is at risk for this. That is why it is important to continue to work with your doctor. Also, try not to become too involved in your daughter's eating habits. Your efforts to help may actually exacerbate the situation, particularly if your daughter finds your involvement onerous or intrusive. Keep preparing nutritious meals, and keep an eye on her eating habits, but don't try to push her to eat.

[MeLoW YeLoW]

A while ago, I also a teen, decided to do the same thing, eat only 3 meals a day without snacks. I was not over weight, but felt I could stand to loose a few pounds. I did and then I didn't stop, from 5-10-25 lbs. It starts out with the no more snacks, but then I decided to have smaller meals, than no lunch, than no breakfast, at one point I was able to go 2-3 days with out eating anything.  I was also playing sports and exercising at the time.  My parents were bringing me to doctors and then theripists, and I hated it.  I lost a lot of weight, but not enough for them to put me away or force feed me, and I would not go to the theripist without a fight. Finally, I relized I had to change, everyone was upset, my kidneys were giving out, and hair was falling out, but I had to do it myself because I wasn't underweight enough to go away. I am now on the road to recovery, I have bad days and good.
I don't mean to scare you, but you must keep an eye on her before she goes too far, don't push her but make sure you offer her food or she will feel like she is eating too much, it only starts out with wanting to loose just a couple of pounds, then it goes out of "control"- which is the main cause of the whole problem.
Please tell me how she is doing.

[MeLoW YeLoW]

A while ago, I also a teen, decided to do the same thing, eat only 3 meals a day without snacks. I was not over weight, but felt I could stand to loose a few pounds. I did and then I didn't stop, from 5-10-25 lbs. It starts out with the no more snacks, but then I decided to have smaller meals, than no lunch, than no breakfast, at one point I was able to go 2-3 days with out eating anything.  I was also playing sports and exercising at the time.  My parents were bringing me to doctors and then theripists, and I hated it.  I lost a lot of weight, but not enough for them to put me away or force feed me, and I would not go to the theripist without a fight. Finally, I relized I had to change, everyone was upset, my kidneys were giving out, and hair was falling out, but I had to do it myself because I wasn't underweight enough to go away. I am now on the road to recovery, I have bad days and good.
I don't mean to scare you, but you must keep an eye on her before she goes too far, don't push her but make sure you offer her food or she will feel like she is eating too much, it only starts out with wanting to loose just a couple of pounds, then it goes out of "control"- which is the main cause of the whole problem.
Please tell me how she is doing.