Child Behavior Community
Temper Tantrums at School
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to child behavior, discipline (behavior management), parent-child communications, and social development.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

Temper Tantrums at School

My daughter has verbal apraxia has been attending school full time. Children with apraxia often throw temper tantrums when they feel frustrated, anxious and afraid. It's hard know what you want to say and not being able to say it. I've been told that she's been throwing fits at school. They aren't sure what is causing them. She's been throwing things and just been generally upset. Apparently teachers and parents have gone to the school board to complain and express concerns. She has not hurt anyone, she has just been getting upset. She's not violent. When my daughter was bitten at the school by another child we did not make a big deal out of it and didn't even go to the school board.

The assistant director has approached me out in the hallway to discuss this with me. She's been very emotional and visibly high strung. I felt like I was being attacked. My daughter was upset when I brought her to school this morning. I think it's because we are moving and she started not to feel safe at the school because they won't figure out how to deal with her. While I was holding her the assistant director told me they weren't prepared to deal with her and she may have to leave. I'm pretty sure the whole school heard us talking. I was so embarrassed. Later I was later told my daughter had a rough day at school. Really? She understands what was said and I'm not surprised she was upset. She doesn't want to leave.

I called and talked to her on the phone and when I calmly told her that she couldn't behave like that in front of my daughter she said "that's it, consider this your 2 weeks notice!" I hung up the phone and started bawling. This was discrimination!! I'd take her out of the school if I wasn't moving soon, it's not fair to my DD to make her change schools 2x in so little time. I went down to the school to grab my daughter and take her out of the situation. I was met by one of the members of the board of directors and 2 other ladies. They convinced me to sit down and talk with them. They apologized for the rash words that were spoken. My daughter is welcome to stay. We talked a lot and we decided to cut down some of the hours my daughter spends at the school so she'll be less stressed.

I really wish more schools were prepared to deal with children with delays. It's so sad that children are separated as much as they are into special classrooms. I just want my daughter to live a "normal" life. I want her to be with other kids her age who can function in the real world so she can learn from them. She's not nearly bad as some children I knew in grade school so I don't understand why they are so upset. She is not a cookie cutter child and I don't expect her to be. Its unfair for schools to expect children to behave perfectly.
Related Discussions
8 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
   I'm not sure how old your daughter is and what grade she is in.  
I do know from past experience as an elementary school principal that schools do not expect children to behave perfectly - well, at least good schools don't.
  It kind of sounds like this may be a private school due to the board of directors and all that.  If true, thats probably part of the problem.  They typically don't have the resources to handle kids that are not perfect.  
   By law, public schools must provide the necessary resources to help a child like yours.  Hopefully, the new school will be able to do this.  If your daughter gets an IEP, the nonsense that happened with the assistant director would not have happened.
   These days, the standard is to mainstream a child into regular classes and provide support help.  We have had children with worse problems then yours (autistic, hard of hearing, etc) in regular classrooms.   And I agree with you completely that its super important for them to be in regular classrooms so they can be with kids of their own age.  Hopefully, when you talked about separating kids into special classrooms, you were referring to things you remembered and not what is going on now.   Please post if you have any other questions,  Best wishes.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Let me answer since I am here sister, she is 4 1/2 and in preschool.  It is a daycare/preschool.  They are a partial private school, however they get grants and stuff from the government.  They wanted her to leave the school, because other kids are unsure of what is going on, and they are telling their parents that they are scared of her.  
Blank
1006035_tn?1391310794
The school has good intentions and initially they said they wanted to be a school where "special needs" children can go. I'm not sure what changed. I knew children who behaved much worse than she does. They were fine with things while there was an advisor from the state helping them. The thing is she was just an advisor, not a speech therapist or OT; and she was trying to give my daughter free speech therapy without me or my husband included. When I met with a real SLP I realized the way she was approaching my daughter was wrong and had to ask her to leave.

After what happened this week we have to have a formal meeting and the teachers and directors are having their mentors come help coach them through this. To be honest I still think they are blowing this out of proportion and creating a whole lot of hoopla. She's only 4! It's funny, after everyone calmed down so did my daughter and people feel bad.
Blank
1006035_tn?1391310794
We had our meeting with the school today. Apparently a social-emotional social worker was coming too. I was never told this. I just feel like the director of the school has some serious issues when it comes to communication. People have been coming to her with their concerns and the concerns have just stopped right there. They weren't forwarded onto us until it was "too little too late." I don't understand why we weren't told anything until the last minute. All the social worker said was that my daughter's behavior wasn't her fault and we shouldn't be so hard on her. She also said we are really good parents and it was nice to see someone who wasn't ignoring their child's problems.

Apparently one of the main issues (which was hard to get out of them) was that our daughter accidentally hit a teacher. The thing is the teacher was trying to pick up our DD when she was upset and didn't want to be touched. I see that as a mistake made by the teacher. She shouldn't have pushed herself on our DD. Her reaction was completely reasonable.

It's just horrible that the state we live isn't equipped to deal with developmentally delayed children. How many people are left behind because of this? It makes me sad that even here in America we can't figure out how to deal with our children. I'm glad I'm moving to a state where they know what to do.  
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Diva, what is hard about meltdowns at school is that it does in fact scare the other kids.  This happened with my son in preschool.  The social piece of a developmental delay is that the child themselves hasn't developed proper social skills and the other children start to shy away from a child that is volatile.  That is actually fairly common in these situations.  Been there.  It doesn't feel good and unfortunately the only way to fix it is to work with the child with the delay to help them improve their skills, coping mechanisms and manage their behavior.  I have always felt and was told that a child with a delay shouldn't be singled out.  Sitting down and talking to the class about it does damage in preschool.  Activities done for my son's sensory were done with the WHOLE class so he wasn't singled out.  Or the teacher would pick one or two other kids to do an activity with him.  

I think you will find in just about every state that if behavior is too far outside of what the school typically handles (and we don't know that as we aren't there all day)------  they will begin to recommend Early Intervention at the public school's preschool program.  I don't say this to make you feel bad because as you know, I've certainly been in your shoes . . . but they have a classroom of children and when one is dominating their time------ or they do not feel they are providing what she needs to be successful--------  it is in everyone's best interest that a child enter an early intervention program trained to help and deal with all that comes with a child's delay.  

I also want to tell you that a therapist met with our son's teacher in preschool and the preschool director and myself.  She said the same thing.  My son's behavior issues were due to his delay of sensory integration disorder.  With that being said, they came up with plans on how to deal with it.  We had to set up boundaries.  He had time outs in the director's office a few times.  Things like that.

True as well that a teacher shouldn't restrain a child.  It is difficult when in that situation though.  I saw a teacher do this with my son.  It was hard for me because that teacher was trying to help!  She liked my son and was very kind to my family.  I would say that teacher's in these situations usually really are trying to help and having that attitude is best.   Can I tell you how many thank you's and I'm sorry's I've said in my days as a mom?  A zillion.  I thanked the lady who tried to hold my son when he was melting down even though it escalated him because she was trying to help.  

One thing I would start doing with her is talking about the other kids in class to her as "her friends".  There are books that are called "social stories" that therapists use to drive home messages with kids with all sorts of developmental delays including autism.  I used one with my son that I loved which was on school behavior with friends.  It had simple drawings and easy text.  Subjects were things like if we cry in school, our friends can't hear the teacher.  You can go on ebay for a selection of them at cheap prices.  Autism/ social stories is what you would look up.  My son isn't autistic but we really liked these books.  Anyway, we started talking about all the other kids in school as my son's friend and that he wanted to be a good friend, right?  Then we worked on what it meant to be a good friend.  Ironically, our elmentary school uses a lot of the things that we used in preschool years with my boy.  They talk about "taking care of our friends".  This includes being quiet, sharing, not touching them, etc.  If someone starts to do something to another child or just act out, the teachers say "Mary, are you taking care of your friends?"  It is great because it gets kids thinking outside of themselves.  Okay, I'm rambling,  sorry.  

Anyway, sorry the meeting was upsetting.  Sounds like your move will be a good thing.  Wishing you lots of luck. Pm me anytime.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Oh, and I had one other thing that I wanted to point out regarding early intervention preschool through local preschools . . . you will find that many of them do a ratio of kids with challenges and kids that are not delayed or challenged.  Our school system for example upon entering kindergarten is an inclusive school which means there is no special ed classes.  Kids are in the regular classroom and depending on their needs may or may not have an aide.  They leave the classroom for any types of services they may need such as speech or OT.  So preschool has kids that are not delayed mixed in.  

This will vary by area but is prevelant in my state and the state next to me (midwest).  
Blank
1006035_tn?1391310794
For the most part her classmates are super sweet and love my DD. They hug her and read to her. They hold her hand and help her around the classroom. I'm so proud of them because they are so supportive. The temper tantrums have stopped and the kids aren't scared anymore. It's like she did a 180.

We definitely plan on doing more research and seeking further help when we move. She's on the right track!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Diva's DD is my niece, and this is sad that she has to go through this. In the beginning they were fine with her.   Now that she is becoming a little more independent they seem to have issues with that.  If there really are these reports should be passed on to the parents. The director of the school seems to think that she is somehow my niece's mom.
My niece has been at her current preschool for almost a year now.  One thing that the director of the school doesn't understand is that my niece can understand what is being said.  I know that is not true, because I will ask her to do certain things and she will do them.  
Now let me share something when I was 13 years old I used to babysit an autistic child.  Once he was freaking out and I attempted to give him a hug.  He didn't want a hug and he bit my hip. I never told his parents because it was my fault.
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Child Behavior Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
New Cannabis Article from NORTH Mag...
Jul 20 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
3 Reasons Why You are Still Binge E...
Jul 14 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating: What Your Closet ...
Jul 09 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Children's Health Answerers
13167_tn?1327197724
Blank
RockRose
Austin, TX
Avatar_m_tn
Blank
Sandman2
San Pedro, CA
134578_tn?1404951303
Blank
AnnieBrooke
OR
973741_tn?1342346373
Blank
specialmom
757137_tn?1347200053
Blank
allmymarbles
NJ
1006035_tn?1391310794
Blank
skepticalpeach
MN