"The Defecating Bandit"

My significant other and I live around the block from his ex- wife (which both since have been divorced, remarried and divorced again in a period of 8 yrs) and their 3 children ( 1 daughter and 2 sons). I also have 3 daughters and 1 adult son. His children is very disrespectful to him they tell him they don't have to listen to him only their mom because they don't live with him. Well, his 11 year old son is always lurking around my house even when were not at home. We use to leave our home unlocked because our neighborhood is very safe but now I always make sure our doors are locked because he's always on my block. We had to set boundaries in our home because he would come to the house and roam freely; in our bedroom, the refrigerator, and my girls rooms. I acquired my home before his dad and I meet so my girls felt as though their home was being envaded. When my girls tell him to leave the house or get out of their rooms he would tell them, "this is my dad's house" which is not true. A few months ago, we found a ziplock freezer bag that someone had defecated in and over flowed, it was all over my patio porched and outdoor furniture. My 17 yr old daughter and I cleaned it up never knowing who would do such a thing. Recently, my fiance son came over to return a fish tank his dad had given him because his mom said he couldn't have it (it was used and she felt it was junk) even though his son asked for it. My son brought my younger girls a new aquarium for a xmas gift and his son wanted the old one. I told him his dad wasn't here and that he need to take it back home and that I would have his dad come and deal with the issue. His son left but not before defecating on the side of my house and the ground. I was totally disgusted and very angry. Even though I didn't see him do it I knew he was the one who did it. My neighbors seen us cleaning the mess up and that is when we found out that he had been urinating in neighbor yards, and even once used one of the neighbors bathroom and left a plastic shopping bag full of feces under their bathroom cabinet. He also comes on our block and curse out the adults when he's asked to leave the property. I found out (from a mutual girlfriend of his mom and I) that this child went home and told his mom that I refused to let him use my bathroom therefore he was forced to take a **** outside in the broad daylight and that I called his mother a  B- - ch, which is not true. My fiance and I tried to go to her house and talk to her and the son but she refused to talk and held her son in the house as well. My finance couldn't talk with his son to address the issue. I telephoned her with no avail so I left a message informing her of what had taken place. I never received a call back. I feel like this is a hate crime and that I should call the police or DHS and report it. My fiance told me to do what I felt needed to be done. I didn't want to go to the extreme but I feel the child need psychological help and he's not getting it. Also, the mom has had other DHS cases filed against her in the past. I don't want to see her children put in the system but, what should I do to ensure my children safety and mine as well. I already made it clear to their father and mother that  he is not allowed on my property but their children are defiant. Please Help I don't want to take drastic measures unnecessarily!

[BabyHardiman]

In my eyes the children should always come first.  I realize that your children come first to you, but you are engaged to a man who has children that should always come first in his eyes.  No one else is going to love your children like you do.  I hope that your fiance' realizes this and will put forth the effort to support his son in all of this.  His son NEEDS him and he is probably in pain right now... he is a CHILD... you have children, have you tried to respect this child the way you do your own?  

Kids act out when they know no other way of communicating.  If I were your fiance I would move on, I would not be told that my children are NOT allowed in my home.  I know that you "own" the home, but if your fiance lives in the home then it IS "his" home as well.  I would be livid if someone told me they were going to call DHS on me and my children.  How could you do such a thing???  YOU need to work with your fiance', your kids, and his kids to become one family unit.  I do not see this happening with the way you speak of his child though.  I honestly would just allow this man to start his life new, and find someone who has patience enough to work through the difficult times with him, his ex wife, and his children, because no matter how you feel this man needs to be able to co-parent with his ex wife without animosity.  

If you wanted him to receive the proper mental health help, then can I ask why you would not be willing to go through these motions with your fiance instead of calling the police or DHS because the little boy pee'd on your house.  

Also, why not allow the boy to return the fish tank... it seems petty to me for you to have him turn around and take it back to his moms house instead of just taking it back.

[BabyHardiman]

If you post this in the Maternal and Child forum, I am sure you will get alot more responses.

[margypops]

Sounds like hes asking to be part of your lives he wants to be around his Dad and is jealous, could you befriend him and talk to him, Reading about it he is making a statement , trying being his friend it wont hurt and would be good for him and his Dad,