The Unknown?!

My step sister and her husband adopted her nephew when he was four years old.  The mother of the child was neglectful and she has some mental issues. The child came to my step sister not potty trained and emotionally a mess! After taking him to many doctors, no one can seem to understand what is wrong with this child. The school diagnosed him of having Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD. They have two other children who live in the household with them and she is afraid that the adopted one will harm the other two. For example, he acts out by putting pencil tips (lead) in his penis, about 2" deep inside, tells them he likes the pain he inflicts on himself and he enjoys it, he lies a lot, and was just potty trained at the age of 9. He also sticks objects in his anus (ie, matchbox cars, pencils, etc.) He threatens other children in school and throws fits all the time. When he expresses happiness or anxiety, he will bawl up his fists and flap his arms like a bird and make "weird" expressions on his face.  They have many, many documentations on his behavior, but no one seems to know who to refer him to or what his conditions may be. Please help!

[RockRose]

Reactive Attachment Disorder is horrid.  God bless this child,  and God bless the family who is trying to help him through this.

I'm sad to say I don't know of any therapies that work.

[margypops]

Maybe he just simply needs some loving care, there seem to be many disorders now days and others popping up by the minute..I wonder why so.many children are on heavy duty meds, with awful side effects.  Has the child had any therapy other than seeing different Doctors who have no idea .?

[specialmom]

I agree with Rockrose.  RAD is so hard to deal with and I feel so bad for any child suffering that.  I would work intensively with a therapist and do the very best with him.  remember, he's an innocent.  Peace to your sister and all.

[specialmom]

Oh, by the way, family therapy is the best route to RAD.  Your sister and husband need to sit in the therapy and confront the situation.  He'll hate it as he is not yet bonded with them and kids with RAD usually choose to never speak of past trauma or admit to their problems.  So, they must not be given a choice about that.  Therapy alone or in a group without parents doesn't work very well.  It needs to be family therapy.  good luck

[adgal]

I also agree with RR and Specialmom.  All the latest research on issues such as RAD show that the best therapies and interventions involve working with and supporting the family entirely.  The child is going to need a lot of therapy, and the parents/siblings all the support they can get.  I know that there are very few therapists that specialize in RAD, so some serious research is going to be needed here.

I also want to say how wonderful I think his adoptive family is.  I wish all of them well.  Take good care.

[needanswersplease684]

Margypops:

He has been to many psychotheropists, phychologist, therapist, etc. and yes it is very very sad there is more and more "diagnosis" that doctors are "naming" our children these days.

[needanswersplease684]

Thank you for all of your help, you ALL! It really means a lot to have support with this matter...makes you feel good that they are not alone in this situation, as we all know the children are the innocent ones that suffer from all the illness now days...peace be with you all and thank God for you all for helping us....

[margypops]

Thank you for your comment ..I see so many children with problems and many side effects from the meds you have mentioned here, its very sad that there are not many alternatives tried first.Sounds like your step sister has a major problem and I do feel family therapy as adgal said would be the best way to go. Hope the dear child gets some help.

[specialmom]

I'm glad they are on board getting this child help.  That is really the key.  Diagnosing my own child was the best thing we could have done for him because it allowed us to go in the proper direction to give him true intervention help.  I have hope that this boy will have a break through and move in a positive direction.  I do want to mention that your sister will have to make sure that her children are safe though in the process.  Hopefully this boy will bond and eventually thrive.  luck to all.  

[needanswersplease684]

Thank you! She and her husband are SO desprerate to find him some help, but they are just really unsure where to turn. It seems everyone she has talked to (doctors) have kind of played it off as it being a behavioral disorder instead of something mentally wrong with him.  I mean she basically stepped in and saved this boys life by taking him into her family and kept him from the abuse he was recieving. The family loves the boy to heaven and back but it is scary when you can't even trust him in the house with the other members of the household...thank you for the encouragement!

[allmymarbles]

The same condition can afflict animals. I had one such animal, a cat who was abandoned by its mother and whom I saved from dying. He never behaved like a normal cat and developed no attachment to me or anyone else. It was sad because I love cats.

My daughter took on an orphaned and neglected puppy. He was both needy and anti-social, becoming dangerous as he matured.