This can't POSSIBLY be normal!

Help!  I feel like I'm screaming at my kids all day long!  I have a son, 3, and a daughter, 2 next month, and my home is a constant battle zone.  My son, who used to be kind, cuddly, and gentle, has turned into something from another planet.  He constantly hits his sister, throws things at her, and is becoming more aggressive by the second.  My daughter is picking up on this behavior and takes bites out of him when he is violent toward her.  It is a domino effect of constant aggression and yelling.  I'm at my wits end.  I don't know where my son has learned this from; he is exposed to no violence on TV (I've pretty much quit watching TV while he's awake) and he doesn't see any kind of violence or fighting at home.  I can't spend every day like this and I'm going nuts. It seems that the more I tell him to stop, the worse the problem gets.  Please help me, this can't be normal.  Thank you so much.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Jill,

Having two children as young as yours is a handfull, make no mistake about that. But you certainly don't have to settle for the kinds of aggressive and upsetting interactions that you describe.

The very first step must be for you to maintain your composure. If you are screaming at your children, then they are being exposed to a certain form of violence, and they are learning from you. At the very least, you're ratcheting up the emotional intensity of the situation, even though you're not meaning to to this.

At the frist sign of aggression, time out your children (click on the Search function in this Forum for additional information about this - there's plenty there). Also, you can limit the time they're spending together. They can play in separate spaces some of the time, particularly when they're having problems getting along.

Don't hesitate to consult with a child mental health professional. This can be a significant help in learning how to manage your children and parent them in ways that will promote more cooperation and equanimity.