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Three year old preemie out of control

I have a daughter that was born 3 months premature and is about to turn 3 yrs old in May I have had so many problems trying to get her to understand me when she needs to follow directions which she does not do very well, she has a Speech /OT  Therapist that comes to the house to work with her once a week and she can't figure my daughter out , she also wakes up in the middle of the night every night around the same time a screaming and crying and you can not hardly calm her down.She only gets maybe 6 hours of sleep every night and refuses to take naps. I will tell her several times to do something simple and I just wonder if she really understands or if she is rebelling. She will purposely hit my 4 year old daughter for no reason she even trys to choke her and she never see's that here. She does not attend a daycare she is home with me and my 4yr old all day every day. Nothing bad has ever happened in the family to provoke this matter with her. I have tryed so many different discipline techniques and still nothing works .I have read on things like Defiant Disorder and Bipolar Disorder and I have even talked to her Dr.s here in this community and they think I am crazy but the truth is is describes my daughter  like they are talking ABOUT my daughter. I have also heard that with some severely premature children that they have these issues so I really need some advice on this to know if I need to take her to the a specialist Dr. to find out whats going on? I really truly feel like I am loosing my mind! It has me so depressed that I am not sure what to do anymore and I know it is hard on me with screaming going on all day none stop and I can't even hear myself think anymore and yes my husband is their daddy and he is here when he's not working so it's just me and the kids all the time ....and let me add this that I can't even take my 3yr old out in public because it's almost like she has social anxiety, she will scream and cry as soon as she enters the place we are until we leave and put her back in the car and she is so loving and sweet but raged most of the time!      
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973741 tn?1342342773
Hello ladies. As I said, my son has sensory integration disorder and we've worked really hard to overcome many behavior issues.

First, again---------  it goes without saying that being calm and controlled yourself goes a long way with a volatile child.  I really think about my own actions as I'm teaching my kid and that curtails me from yelling at them or using physical punishment.  When a child has issues with that stuff themselves, it is very confusing to then be punished that same way.  Role playing frustration/anger helps.  Illustrate through your own actions how they should handle an upsetting situation.  

Here are things that help regulate a disorganized and overactive nervous system.  They call it "heavy work" and if you google sensory integration disorder and heavy work, you will get many additional ideas.  We've done occupational therapy for two years and work on this every single day at home and I have seen what a posative affect it has.  Here is a short list of some things to do-------- general activities and some games to specifically play:
--  parks are a hot bed of activities for a sensory kid.  Monkey bars or anything that a child suspends their weight from is good.  My son was very slow to do this and we called it the olympic challenge to get him to try.  He'd hang for a milisecond at first but now can go across any monkey bar anywhere.  It has a after the fact calming affect.  Anything that involves climbing-----  playground climbers, rope ladders, ladders in general.  Rolling down a hill and running back up it.  A trampoline is awesome.  Running or marching on hard pavement.  Carrying a bag of something that is weighted (books) across the room (Do me a favor? is commonly heard in my house).  Wheelbarrow walk------  hold feet and they walk with their hands.  Animal walks------ bear, crab, snake, leap frog, etc. are all good to do and we often do this before going to the bus stop.  Swimming is the perfect activity-------  lots of muscle resistance and deep pressure.  I'd sign my child up for swim lessons and make it a regular thing.  (michael phelps has adhd and it was a soothing activity for him.)  Swinging will calm an overactive nervous system.  Awesome in the evening when bedtime is around the corner or if at the park and someone is too wound up.  Put items in a laundry basket (weighted) and have them push it across the floor.  Take paper plates and use them as skates on the carpet.  BLOW bubbles (this is so calming, I can't even tell you.)  Try Yoga (dvd's available at the library) or sign them up for karate.  Bike riding-----  any kind (even tricycle until ready for two wheeler.)  Pillow fights.  Make a large pile of pillows and use couch pillows (have the kids help set it up-----  heavy work dragging heavy pillows to pile)----  make it as big as possible and let them crawl in and out of it and gently press on it when they do it.  We pretend my son is a mouse and he pops out and I yell eek and try to "catch" him.  I also hide the cheese for him to find.  Put a mattress on the floor and let them jump  jump  jump.  Write on a chalk board and then erase it.  Drink something thick through a straw------ smoothie or applesauce.  Play sumo wrestler------ get a big ball and put it between you and he and push against it.  Roll a ball over him/her calling it a "steam roller".  Play tug of war.  As much of this stuff a day as possible and it has an after affect of calm.

I will write again about emotions and a stress thermometer.  Hubby is calling me but I'll come back later and add that.  good luck for now.
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Avatar universal
I would like all the suggestions you have on behavior...My child is 5 years old and diagnosed with bipolar,occd and add and the meds help, but my child is only mean and outbursting to mean and when upset he is Mr. Hyde to everyone.  I get scared to take him anywhere.  HELP
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Avatar universal
Thank You for your Advice and yes I could probably use some suggestions on activities to work with her on to see if it works....I use positive reinforcement on both my kids and the yelling and screaming I was talking about is coming from them ,not me. Also the spankings are a rare thing here even if it's the tiniest pat on the bottom just for continuous misbehavior where they purposely do it just to see if I get mad, But I never spank them out of anger so that's not an issue.
My daughters former OT said that he thought it was a sensory issue as well and worked with her for a while on it but he switched jobs and I never heard anything else about it. But again thank you for your advise and yes I would love to learn new ideas to help her and see if it works with her ....It doesn't hurt to try new things...
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973741 tn?1342342773
Hello.  I have a developmentally delayed child as well.  He has a delay called sensory integration disorder which affects the nervous system. Sensory can look like different things in different kids.  My son is a mixed bag of things at times that can seem like opposites.  He is a sensory seeker in that he craves input into the nervous system. He does lots of wild things because of this and my job was to find out ways for him to get this same input within safe guidelines.  He also had tactile defensiveness which means he had certain things that he was very sensative to.  Washing hands at school, for example would upset him.  When he is stressed, overwhelmed, upset etc.  it is always much worse.  Motor planning is another part of sensory and this may be something you are seeing with your daughter.  This is how the brain/body communicate and if the signals are off------  messages get jumbled.  Speech can be affected by motor planning in that one must organize a thought and then must coordinate the oral motor motor muscles to communicate that thought.  Lots of syncrhonization must go on.  Organization of the brain is not a given and if motor planning is off, it can be difficult.  Also processing what others say to you (doesn't listen----  as you describe is what this can look like).  Fine motor things may be affected such as using scissors and holding a pencil.  Any new activity may be avoided due to it being difficult with motor planning problems.  Another issue with sensory integration disorder is something called regulation/modulation of mood.  A child with sensory will often have a difficult time self soothing or calming themselves.  My son has this issue as well.  

He was evaluted at 3 for sensory and it was inconclusive.  It is difficult for little ones to be assessed because there is so much variability amongst that age.  By 4, it was more clear.  We had him evaluated again and it was clearly sensory.  An occupational therapist trained in sensory integration disorder is the one who evaluates and does therapy.  Therapy looks like play addressing the nervous system of the sensory child as well as working on strategies for motor skills and behavior.  We do lots and lots of activities at home to help and I have plenty of suggestions if you are interested.  Even if she does not have sensory, kids enjoy them and they are good for the nervous system as a whole.  I should add that my child is above average intelligence and met every milestone on time but still has this delay.  I am happy to tell you that my son is now 6 and doing fantastic!  He is doing terrific in school, has many friends and seems like one of the guys.  We have been thrilled with his progress and success.  (and he was the king of tantrums at 4).  

My suggestion to you is to try to understand what it is like for her.  Instead of thinking of her behavior as bad, try to think of why it is happening.  Knowing that my son is has more to deal with than most kids and that every day he is trying twice as hard to accomplish the same thing gives me great empathy torwards him.  He does respond very very well to posative reinforcement.  We do things like earning a bean in a jar and when he gets to enough beans for good behavior or doing as I ask, he gets a reward which is usually picking something he would like for us to do as a family.  We also give coins that he can put in his piggy bank for good deeds.  It is amazing what I can get him to do for a nickle!  Posative reinforcement works best for a kid like mine and possibly yours.  When you do have to discipline, try to stay as calm as possible.  As you have a hitter and one that has physical outbursts, I'd hold off on spanking.  There are books that are helpful for that age "Hands are not for hitting" is a really excellent one.  Simple messsge that kids understand and you can get this at your local library most likely.  Also giving dialogue for when she is upset.  Role play a scenario of being mad or upset about something in front of her in an exagerated way--------  handling it the right way.  Give her words for her emotions and try to get a pause between anger and action.  She may have trouble controling her impulses but this is something you slowly work on.  We say that everyone has a go button and a stop button and sometimes we have to remember to push the stop button.  I have another boy 15 months younger than my sensory kid, and we use these strategies on both.  Also, make sure you are not yelling at her.  Push your tongue up to the roof of your mouth.  While a delayed child will yell, they do so more easily if the tone of the house is such that yelling takes place by all.  Organize as many activities for her as possible and get lots of physical activity for her.  It will help.  It will help with sleep as well.  Okay, that is all for now-------  let me know if I can help in any other way!  good luck
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