Time away from 5 month old?

[randmas]

Hello,

My wife and I have recently had our first baby at the beginning of January. Her parents live relatively far away and do not have a lot of time to see the baby. They would like to take her for a week (literally 7 days) to their house. My wife seems very excited about the idea (a week for ourselves), but I am concerned about the possibility of how our little one might react. Is there any reason for me to be concerned about any harm that may come from this?

[April2]

I do think a week is too long and certainly out of state is too far. I think if the situation had been simular to mine it might work. I had a close relative I trusted who watched my three month old overnight. I do not believe it was a traumatic event for him. He did not cry when we left and didn't cry while we were gone. If he had, maybe we wouldn't have done it if we could see it upset him. However, he was all smiles and perfectly fine with being left. Do I think I truamatized him? No, I do not. My son is now almost 19 years old and I couldn't be prouder of him. He has always been a very caring, loving boy and he has grown into a thoughtful, loving young man who gives me hugs every day and tells me he loves me. Tell me, did that traumatize him any more than these little ones being left all day, every day in day care? I used to do home daycare and I watched a little girl from the time she was six weeks old until her parents moved away when she was two and a half. I watched her five days a week for ten hours a day. She started calling me Mama and I had to keep teaching her what to call me. She also used to cry and cling to me when her parents picked her up every night. Of course I felt bad for the parents since I could tell that hurt them. And of course I tried to help as much as I could with her parents. But if you think about it, I had this child more than her own parents did. I'm not knocking daycare. That's why I got into the business, actually. I really cared about these kids and I wanted to stay at home with my own kids.
Everything we've offered here is only advice and our own viewpoints. You know your child better than anyone else. You have to trust your own parental instincts and do what is best for your child. I think as long as she knows she's loved and cared for, she will do fine.

[Trialanderror]

Don`t do it. Not even for one night. There is a time for grandparents, rather from age 3 on or later when it comes to overnights. Even though your sitation has nothing to do with custody agreements, read up on divorce and custody settlements. There are quite a few court psychiatrist specialized on early childhood development who suggest that infants and toddlers should not be forced to spend overnights away from their prime caregivers until about age
2 1/2. And that even refers to a father or a mother, whoever is the non-custodial parent. Just imagine how alienated your infant will feel with grandparents, no matter how loving they are. Grandparents often forget that there are certain stages in infancy and how long it takes for the infant to create a secure bond with her mother and father. They often believe a baby just needs a cuddle and food and all will be fine but it is not that easy. Your wife is probably desperate for a break - and I have been dreaming of even having a day for myself for the past 4 years - but please convince her that it will get easier. The crack in bonding with baby will be more dramatic if it happens now. You can find articles to support this with search words like "overnights-infancy-custody-state law-early childhood-away from prime caregiver". Good luck, trust your gut feeling.

[sprenger]

I think your wife just wants some alone time.  I was very overwhelmed as a new mother even more when I went back to work when my daughter was 6 months.  I did not have PPD I just wanted time myself for a bath, read a book and clean the house.  Maybe you and the baby could stay at your parents house for two days and give your wife time to do somethings.  My husband takes our kids to visit grandparents sometimes without me, the kids are happy, the grandparents are happy and when they return in a day or two I am ready to get back on the rollercoaster of being mom, wife and employee.  I also do the same for him.  Then we also have our monthly date night, sometimes it is just dinner and a trip to Wal-mart without kids. Other times we get a hotel room in town and spend the night.

[randmas]

I don't think she has any PDD. She just feels overwhelmed. She works in the morning, and I work in the evening. It works out as we don't need to have a babysitter. She is not breastfeeding (a whole other story) so that isn't an issue right now. The baby is wonderful, not colicky. We have tons of support as we live near my mom and her husband, and my sister is living with us temporarily. I also do what I can, as I'm the night/morning caregiver. I can't imagine being without her for even a few days, but this is causing issues in our relationship also as I feel differently than her. Thanks for everyones advice though, it makes me feel a little less unreasonable.

~Randy

[Agiesmom]

Randy, why don't you ask her to compromise for your first alone time away from the baby?  Ask your mom or sister (someone your baby knows well) to care for the baby overnight (like Matt's Mom suggested, so the baby is in a familiar, comfortable environment), while you are at a nearby hotel.  Go to dinner, have some wine on the balcony, and enjoy some time alone together.  (Or if money's an issue, have your parents stay at your house and you stay at theirs.)I would think that having one night away a couple of times a month would be a good compromise--you won't feel bad about leaving the baby if it's only one night and you'll both have something to look forward to on a regular basis.

[Matts_Mom29]

I don't think the baby will be as traumatized as her mom will be.  She may think this is a good idea right now, but wait until the baby is gone, she will probably miss her so much that she will want her back right away.  The few times I have felt that I have needed a break from my son (now age 3 years old) I would go out, but after an hour or so all I really wanted to do was go home to be with him.  Maybe her parents could come to your house for a visit and maybe you could stay at a hotel for a night or something like that, but as far as sending her away for a week??  I don't think your wife realizes how much she will really miss her.

[Agiesmom]

My baby is 16 weeks old today and there is NO WAY I would be away from her over night, never mind for that length of time.  I may be extreme the other way because I won't leave her for more than a half hour to run and get milk around the corner (and she's with Daddy during that time).  I don't have a breast pump and to be honest, I haven't gotten one because it's easier to say to people who offer to babysit, "Oh, thank you so much for the offer, but I nurse and don't have a pump."  I simply don't want to be away from her.

Is your wife suffering at all with PPD (post-partum depression)?  Is the baby colicky?  Does she have help and support?

All that aside, I personally don't think it would be good for the baby.

[mum2beagain]

I love both my kids dearly (5 months and 3). I am nursing so leaving them for any length of time isn't possible but if it was and my mum or mother in law said they would take them for a few days I would let them, they live overseas so hardley ever get to see the kids and my kids have a wondeful time and get so much attention from their grandparents. We had no choice but to leave my eldest witt my inlaws for a week when he was just over a year old as we had to come to Canada for a week to look for a house, he had a great time and sure I really missed him but it was good to be able to do the trip on our own.
My hubby is NO help with the kids, so for someone to offer me a break would be most welcome!

[April2]

I agree with some of the other posters. Why not try an overnight or maybe a weekend first? I really don't think the baby will be traumatized. The grandparents will probably lavish all kinds of attention on her.
When my first born was three months old my husband and I had won a weekend getaway in the mountains. My favorite aunt who lived close to me jumped at the chance to watch him. She went out and got a baby swing and lots of little extras. We called several times while we were gone and were reassured that everything was going very well. She just enjoyed having a baby around again and totally spoiled him and held him and played with him. I think it would be good for you to have some alone time with each other. You have to decide if you completely trust the grandparents or if you're going to worry the whole time. Again, I really don't think the baby will be traumatized. My first born is now almost 19 years old and has grown into a fine young man! Only you know your family and the best answer to this. I personally think it's easier to leave them when they're younger (with a trusted family member) than when they are a little older and the stranger anxiety sets in. I hope this helps!

[emmaboo]

MY BABY GIRL IS A LITTLE OVER 5 MONTHS OLD AND I WOULD NEVER EVER LEAVE HER ANYWHERE OVERNIGHT WITHOUT ME.  I WORK FULL TIME AND SO DOES MY HUSBAND DURING THE DAY, AND IT STILL KILLS ME TO LEAVE HER FOR 8 HOURS AND I DON'T BREASTFEED.  IF MY HUSBAND AND I HAD THE MONEY  I WOULDN'T HAVE WENT BACK TO WORK UNTIL SHE STARTED SCHOOL 6 YEARS FROM NOW.  EVERY PERSON IS DIFFERENT. WE HAD SOME FRIENDS OF OURS GET MARRIED A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO AND ANOTHER ONE OF OUR FRIENDS HAD A 3 MONTH OLD AND THE WEDDING WAS IN GATLINBURG, SHE LEFT HER FOR 2 NIGHTS.  NO WAY, NO HOW, NOT ME!  BUT IT DIDN'T BOTHER HER.  I WOULD NOT HAVE GONE.

[koukla29]

I think you should have a talk with your wife.  This seems a little soon and for such a long period of time.  Could you possibly go there for the week?  Maybe you can be near and go out, however, be there for the baby as well.  I can imagine it's difficult to find some private time and this is your opportunity, but at the same time your baby is only 5 months old and will be far away if anything happens.  This fact alone would be enough to ruin my good times.  Can the grandparents spend a week with you guys?  I know it's not a vacation exactly, but I think the kind of vacation you both want should be put off until your little one is older.  

[anxiousmomtobe?]

No way would I ever leave my 5 month old alone overnight.  My kids were about 19 months before they went to Grandma's for an overnight.

[RockRose]

I'm really surprised your wife is willing to be separated from her little baby for a week, and I don't think this will be positive for the baby.  Does she even know the grandparents?  When my babies were that age,  if we left them for 2 hours to go out to dinner,  I was REALLY ready to return to see my baby again.  It's kind of a concern your wife is so willing to leave.

Best wishes.   You sound as mystified as I am.