Tired of hearing, No listening hears today, No stickers!!!

My son just turn 4.  He is a very good child.  He plays while by himself and with others.  He does have a 5yr old sister.  He has been in fulltime daycare since 01/07.  We have had some problems with behavior in daycare but all have seem to work out just fine.  The beginning of June he moved up with most of his friends to the 4yr old room.  Thay have in that room a sticker chart, everyday when I pick him up the teacher always tell me plus I look that he has no stickers.  That he gets them and then get them taken away.  I ask why she says he does not listen.  NO LISTENING EARS TODAY!   I ask more like for an example they say they have to tell him to do something 10 times and he still doesn't do it!  Or he was wrestling!  The teacher doesn't seem to be able to tell me anything more than that.  I see that at home he is now having problems with listening and having to have and do things his way.  He has always been picky about his clothes, he will only wear what he wants to, he picks them out every morning and dresses himself.  We have given up on that.  He picks out nice clothes to wear.  He has always been determined to do and have things his way.  We try to give him time out and to pick our battles but it is now worst and nothing seems to help.  At home and school getting him to pay attention to you and care or do what you say is very diffacult. How can we solve this problem?    

[babygirl6152]

give us an example-  after time out- does he seem sorry? Does he have to make things "right" with you? Apologize?
serving a consequence is one thing but the reconciling with the "wronged" person is a good way to train them to be accountable and admit wrong doing- this will head him toward self discipline eventually- When you pick him up in the class room, walk him to his teachers and have him tell her he is going to "try harder" the next day...word it positively- not "I won't wrestle tomorrow"- but "I will play with others keeping my hands to myself". This serves two purposes: the teacher knows you care enough to work together with her and the child sees that you expect him to obey her.
  Also try not to say things to him from a distance, like from the next room.
Look at him in the eyes and have him look at you- calmly ask him to do  X- then ask him- "What did I say"? have him repeat it back to you. We used this in kindergarten and it works.....


work with him on obeying adults....sit with him at a table and have him respond to your requests- "hand me the cup- turn it over- hand me the ball"  he just needs some work-