To Spank or not to Spank?

[Donni McMasters]

I have a 4 year old "Gifted" child.  I went to his pediatrician and asked what would work for him.  We had tried the "time out" thing but we did not get good results.  It did not seem to help stop the behavior problems we are facing.  We tried taking away his favorite toys ect... nothing seems to help.  We started "swatting" him on his bottom but he would only laugh.  Our pediatrician told us the he was the kind of child that you would have to pull his pants down and spank to get him to understand that we mean business.  We have tried it some and it does seem to work with him but we feel so guilty and it does seem to be a little drastic espeacialy for a child this young.  We have been told that the problems that we are facing is normal for a child with his IQ.  Since I do not have any experiance with a child this smart, I'm desperate for any new ideas.  Thank you in advance for any insight on this subject.

Donni McMasters

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Ms. McMasters,

I'm reluctant to endorse to you the notion of spanking as a sensible form of discipline. Many people who were spanked during their growing up years develop perfectly normally; it's not the end of the world to spank. However, it's also not necessary and, in research during the past 10-15 years, we've learned it may produce unintended side effects (e.g., increase in impulsivity and aggression).

My guess is that you would do well by settling on some version of time out, and that your lack of success thus far may have more to do with your implementation than with the merits of the strategy itself. I won't elaborate here on time out tactics, because we've often written about it in other replies (click on the Search function in this Forum for previous notes). Also, you might take a look at the book S.O.S.: Help for Parents (by Lynn Clark) - it is a marvelour 'how to' book re: behavior management and contains, among other things, what I regard as a pretty much foo proof recipe for time out.

[Lynn]

I don't like spanking.Once in a while for a child totally out of control a quick "pop on the bottom" probably does no harm.I found out years ago that an "old fashioned" spanking makes yur child fear and disrespect you.Solves no problems.
One word of advice...you sound like his intelligence may be intimidating you.My son (now 31) was "gifted"( I hate that word).This is what I used to tell him.."My years of experience in this world outweigh anything you have learned at this point from your books.I AM smarter than you and you WILL listen when I speak to you."Try it.

[Donni McMasters]

This is an update.  Thanks to the advice of "KDK", our lives have changed.  Once we started to implement the correct way to use time outs, our once uncontrollable child became an angle.  Also we have learned in the last week that he has reflux.  Which was diagnosed incorrectly as behavioral vomiting.  (manipulation) Once he started the medicine and the vomiting stoped and the pain, his behavior has changed.  I wonder if the behavior was a symptom of his discomfort?