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To go or not to go
Hi I ve been describing my son´s character in recent posts. I was wondering how to help him adjust socially because he is very shy and becomes anxious/nervous when meeting new children or adults. E.G. On mother´s day celebration at school all of the kids did a little song/ choreography thing at school. He was doing OK until at the end, where he would get his whole hand inside of his mouth in a nervous gesture, almost at the end he came running towards me while all the kids were still doing their thing. How can I help?
We´re working also on discipline and consistency because he has a very defiant temper at home, also separation anxiety issues.
We´re working also on discipline and consistency because he has a very defiant temper at home, also separation anxiety issues.
Father´s Day celebration was great also! This time he didn´t run to us or cover his eyes but played his instruments beautifully and did everything as he was supposed to.
Yes that is the clue being patient while he gets comfortable, that´s the clue. I'm so glad the teacher gave me the opportunity and the support.
Oh that is wonderful news! I think that being patient as he gets comfortable is the key. I find myself having to be flexible as a parent . . . but I am okay with that if it means that my son thrives! Glad it is going well.
Today J goes to karate! It took about 5 lessons of me standing right next to him and even doing the class with him,but the last time I sat on the benches while he worked beautifully.
Today I took him out for lunch without sister, for denominated "special time", it was fun.
Oh, we've read that and have a copy. It IS an awesome book. Perfect for your little guy!
Well, I understand how you feel. I love my son so much and I'm very protective of him. I would never tell someone about his issues if I thought they'd be judgemental at all. All kids have something--------- don't forget that. I often do and think that other parents have nothing to worry about. But when you dig a little bit, you find that every family is dealing with some type of issue.
It is confusing what is going on with your son, to be honest. Anxiety is a chemical imbalance within the brain. Shyness is common--------- I am very shy myself and can have social anxiety. But it does not hinder me in my life. If it did, it would then be something that needs treated. And it is very treatable. What helped me was practice, practice, practice. So I really do still think that you should take the bull by the horns and set up these play dates. Do not worry about how the rest of the people do it (as in parent free) and just set it up the way you want. Do all of the inviting to your home or meet out somewhere where the parent has to stay and do this often. Help him through and see if he gets over it. If he does not, then your son's anxiety will need to be treated.
We are all here for you anytime you have questions or concerns! I wish you and your son the best!
It is confusing what is going on with your son, to be honest. Anxiety is a chemical imbalance within the brain. Shyness is common--------- I am very shy myself and can have social anxiety. But it does not hinder me in my life. If it did, it would then be something that needs treated. And it is very treatable. What helped me was practice, practice, practice. So I really do still think that you should take the bull by the horns and set up these play dates. Do not worry about how the rest of the people do it (as in parent free) and just set it up the way you want. Do all of the inviting to your home or meet out somewhere where the parent has to stay and do this often. Help him through and see if he gets over it. If he does not, then your son's anxiety will need to be treated.
We are all here for you anytime you have questions or concerns! I wish you and your son the best!
No, I think it´s anxiety in it´s pure form. A child psychologist evaluated my son and said his ability to socialize is perfectly fine. What I suspect is that somehow my insecuirity is getting through to him. I was shy as a kid and had difficult times at school, somehow I´ve passed that on to my child.
When J was born we all had a terrible time. The pediatrician put him in NICU for no reason, exaggerating his symptoms, as he only vomited. He put him through all kinds of different tests, including fasting for 24 hours, blood test, IV fluids and also a lumbar punction, which hurts a lot and was totally unnecesary. The child psychologist said that all this aggression in the first days of life does have an influence on his character. Also that was a separation from Mom. I hardly could hold him because of all the things he had connected to him.
Writing this brings tears to my eyes. You can´t imagine how much writing all this stuff has helped. Sometimes it´s difficult to discuss this with friends, because of my fear that my child gets labeled as a "problem child".
When J was born we all had a terrible time. The pediatrician put him in NICU for no reason, exaggerating his symptoms, as he only vomited. He put him through all kinds of different tests, including fasting for 24 hours, blood test, IV fluids and also a lumbar punction, which hurts a lot and was totally unnecesary. The child psychologist said that all this aggression in the first days of life does have an influence on his character. Also that was a separation from Mom. I hardly could hold him because of all the things he had connected to him.
Writing this brings tears to my eyes. You can´t imagine how much writing all this stuff has helped. Sometimes it´s difficult to discuss this with friends, because of my fear that my child gets labeled as a "problem child".
I'm going to re read your post in a minute and will have more to say but my first thought is that you can have the playdate at YOUR house. Kids that age love love love to play with moms. I'm like the favorite of my boy,s friends because I will play with them. They love it. And to be honest----------- if you set up a playdate to meet at a park, don't the mom's stay? They always do around us and my oldest is 6. So get creative and make it work!
I agree that we have to try to control ourselves and know it is not always easy. We are human and all we can do is try harder the next day. I think yelling or spanking with all kids isn't a great idea but especialy with a child like yours (or mine). And an anxious child will take it even harder.
Do you think this is anxiety or anxiety secondary to something else?
I agree that we have to try to control ourselves and know it is not always easy. We are human and all we can do is try harder the next day. I think yelling or spanking with all kids isn't a great idea but especialy with a child like yours (or mine). And an anxious child will take it even harder.
Do you think this is anxiety or anxiety secondary to something else?
What are the symptoms?
Love your posts, thx.
I have no clue what the underlying cause might be. I was thinking on maybe visiting a specialist. When he was about to turn 3 mother´s day act was terrible. He covered his eyes with his hand the whole time and at the end ran off. This year, in comparison was much better. Things are going better and I´m more self conscious on discipline.
Just read a book which says children with anxiety, like mine (and no other conditions) come to see their mother so irritable that they tthink at some point in time she is literally not going to return, or climb out the window at night. Might be the case. I do blame myself for yelling sometimes and losing control. I have spanked (not that I'm proud) but to no avail. Might be the case.
Let me tell you a little bit more of how the anxiety escalated:
J had a terrible time separating from Mom when he went to school. (2 years old). Since he was 8 months old he had a difficult time integrating with other babies (he hit them since he was like a year and a half old). Since then he has had better times and not so goof ones. He usually goes to sleep to my parents house with no problem, but he has difficulty falling to sleep, doesn´t happen at home. He has never gone with anybody else except an aunt of mine once and my in laws during the day. When my new baby girl was born he stayed at my parents house for 4 days. It was a c section, so my stay was long. He came to visit to the hospital and all. 3 months after baby was born he wouldn´t go to my parents house. After that he´s stayed for about three times, the last returning back home at 1 am (my parents brought him back) after he´d slept, woke up and cried incosolably. Things went terribly wrong about 1 month ago when he was invited to a birhday party with the boys in his classroom, but no moms. He was excited about going alone till the minute he overheard my mother saying that kids their age were very little to be controlled by a group of mothers in a public place. She suggested he could probably get lost and that he didn´t know how to dial his phone number. That day I took him to the movies and stayed with him. He had gotten terribly anxious about me leaving, even to the point of making himself vomit.
A week before the movie incident he had gone to a karate class (I thought of it as a good idea to canalize agressiveness) where the door must be closed and moms outside. J was accompanied by a cousin and stayed well inside, participated and said that he had to go pee just to check on me. Everything went fine.
After the movie incident Karate was terrible, he wouldn´t even enter the classroom without me, got nervous and so. The movie incident was a terrible setback. Don´t know what to do now. We are working on playdates and confidence. But kids his age, schoolmates go to playdates alone (the school bus leaves them with the receiving mom) and their mothers pick them up.
Since karate at that place didn t work we went to another place where moms can stay inside and where two scholmates go. Seems like a better option. I´ll let you know.
Love your posts, thx.
I have no clue what the underlying cause might be. I was thinking on maybe visiting a specialist. When he was about to turn 3 mother´s day act was terrible. He covered his eyes with his hand the whole time and at the end ran off. This year, in comparison was much better. Things are going better and I´m more self conscious on discipline.
Just read a book which says children with anxiety, like mine (and no other conditions) come to see their mother so irritable that they tthink at some point in time she is literally not going to return, or climb out the window at night. Might be the case. I do blame myself for yelling sometimes and losing control. I have spanked (not that I'm proud) but to no avail. Might be the case.
Let me tell you a little bit more of how the anxiety escalated:
J had a terrible time separating from Mom when he went to school. (2 years old). Since he was 8 months old he had a difficult time integrating with other babies (he hit them since he was like a year and a half old). Since then he has had better times and not so goof ones. He usually goes to sleep to my parents house with no problem, but he has difficulty falling to sleep, doesn´t happen at home. He has never gone with anybody else except an aunt of mine once and my in laws during the day. When my new baby girl was born he stayed at my parents house for 4 days. It was a c section, so my stay was long. He came to visit to the hospital and all. 3 months after baby was born he wouldn´t go to my parents house. After that he´s stayed for about three times, the last returning back home at 1 am (my parents brought him back) after he´d slept, woke up and cried incosolably. Things went terribly wrong about 1 month ago when he was invited to a birhday party with the boys in his classroom, but no moms. He was excited about going alone till the minute he overheard my mother saying that kids their age were very little to be controlled by a group of mothers in a public place. She suggested he could probably get lost and that he didn´t know how to dial his phone number. That day I took him to the movies and stayed with him. He had gotten terribly anxious about me leaving, even to the point of making himself vomit.
A week before the movie incident he had gone to a karate class (I thought of it as a good idea to canalize agressiveness) where the door must be closed and moms outside. J was accompanied by a cousin and stayed well inside, participated and said that he had to go pee just to check on me. Everything went fine.
After the movie incident Karate was terrible, he wouldn´t even enter the classroom without me, got nervous and so. The movie incident was a terrible setback. Don´t know what to do now. We are working on playdates and confidence. But kids his age, schoolmates go to playdates alone (the school bus leaves them with the receiving mom) and their mothers pick them up.
Since karate at that place didn t work we went to another place where moms can stay inside and where two scholmates go. Seems like a better option. I´ll let you know.
Ahh. Your poor guy. I've been the mom in the audiance that is dying for how my child is feeling up there on stage. Mine ran off too and you just want to scoop them up and hug them and make it all better. What I did for my son is just worked REALLY hard to build his confidence. I scheduled "safe" play dates. They were short and well thought out and my plan was to be right there with my son helping him through. And that is just what we did. I looked at everything as an opportunity for him to learn and to grow in skills and confidence level. If we went to the park, I'd gather another child that was there too (strangers usually) and get a game going that I participated in. The more of this that I did, the better my son handled it. I worked on building a friendship with another child in school---- a best buddie. I helped him with his skills overall so that he could fit into a group and know what to do. I really coached him along and was active in it. Other mom's go on a playdate and sit and talk to the grown ups---------- not me. I was with the kids helping mine along to feel more comfortable. Its worked for us.
Clearly your boy is anxious. The hand in the mouth is his attempt to self soothe. My son chewed on his shirt sleeve. I think offering alternatives to that will be something to do if it continues. But I do think you are going to have to address the underlying problem that is causing the anxiety. For my son, it was sensory integration disorder that made him feel uncomfortable in his enviroment. Once that was addressed, he is better able to h andle social situations and to remain calm.
goodluck
Clearly your boy is anxious. The hand in the mouth is his attempt to self soothe. My son chewed on his shirt sleeve. I think offering alternatives to that will be something to do if it continues. But I do think you are going to have to address the underlying problem that is causing the anxiety. For my son, it was sensory integration disorder that made him feel uncomfortable in his enviroment. Once that was addressed, he is better able to h andle social situations and to remain calm.
goodluck
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