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Toxic grandparent
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Toxic grandparent

I am writing regarding a current situation with my 8 year old daughter and her paternal grandmother.
Here is the history:

I had my daughter out of wedlock and never married her father. We separated when she was 18 months old.
After enduring false allegations, custody battles, and visitation rights (by the child
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In most jurisdictions, grandparents have no guaranteed rights to see their grandchildren. I imagine that you would have little difficulty restricting the contact, or even eliminating it, should you desire to approach the court with such an objective. Is it worth alienating the grandmother in the process? It is worth such a risk if the contact, in your judgement, is not at all in your daughter's best interest.

From your description, your daughter is doing well on a day-to-day basis. This likely immunizes her, to some extent, from any prolonged effect of contact with her grandmother. If the adverse impact of the contact were limited only to overly indulgent behavior on the pasrt of the grandmother, it would probably be best to let it alone (since it is not very frequent). However, if the contact includes explicitly illicit or obviously damaging behavior, the picture changes and invites some restriction, because you have the obligation to protect your daughter.

One course you could follow, if you decide that the status quo poses an unacceptable risk, is to require the grandmother to submit to a psychological evaluation. Such an evaluation would be ordered by the court. Another course is to ask the court to appoint a guardian ad litem for the express purpose of making a determination about the suitability of the contact between your daughter and her grandmother. Such a guardian ad litem might require the grandmother to have a psychological evaluation, though the guardian ad litem might make a determination in some other way.

All things considered, I'd advise against maintaining the status quo - you already have sufficient information (via your own observations and those of the extended family) to warrant grave concern. Cutting off the contact entirely, in a unilateral way, might not be the better of the remaining options, due to the unforeseen repercussions. The best option might be to voice your concern directly to the grandmother, tell her you are leaving the door open to further contact of some sort, and that the specific plan will rest on the results a guardian ad litem might present to the court. You'd have to confer with an attorney who specializes in family law, but it would probably be best to have the jurisdiction in the matter transferred to your area in Virginia from the area in North Carolina where the matter was originally handled.
2 Comments
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i had a similar situation with my boyfriends mother. who was also bi-polar. i would only let her see my daughter if my boyfriend, her son, was there supervising them. she said she was back on her meds and in counseling, but 2 months after telling me that my bf, her son, found her on the floor of her bedroom with white stuff coming out of her mouth, she had commited sucide. if she is  what u descirbe, pls think of the safty of ur child and only allow this grandmother to have limited and supervised visits, preferably by a professtional. i don't know if this is the same where u r from, but where i'm from there is no such thing as grandparents rights. the lawyers i talked to said if myself and the father(my bf, her son) think that it's in the best interest for our child to have supervised visits then so be it. YOU AND THE FATHER BOUGHT THIS CHILD INTO THE WORLD SO IT SHOULD BE ONLY THE BOTH OF UR'S CHOICES WHAT HAPPENS TO UR CHILD. THIS GRANDMOTHER WASN'T THERE IN THE BEDROOM WHEN U GUYS CREATE THIS CHILD SO Y SHOULD SHE HAVE ANY SAY.
GOOD LUCK
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