Troubled 4yr old

My friend's little girl is displaying behaviour that has both her mother and I at a lost as what to do. My friend is currently going through a seperation so I know that this has something to do with how she is acting however it is not entirly the source. Normally when I watch her we have a wonderful time and she is a pleasure to be around. But thats all changed. This child tells her mother that she hates her, that she doesn't love her. etc at least once to twice a week. She whines constantly and will cry at the drop of the hat to the point that sometimes its hard to be around her. This weekend I picked her up at her grandfathers where I witnessed her telling him "I don't love you" I don't like you" as I stood there appalled to hear this out of a four year olds mouth her grandfather proceeded to say " I don't make a big deal about it" it's ok"  I'm sorry to me this is not ok.  I then had her on Sunday while her parents were at work. When I told her that her mother may get off work early she told me "I don't like my mommy"  I calmly told her that, that was not nice and that I never wanted to hear her say such a thing. When my friend came to get her her daughter would not look at her and told her serveral times go away mommy.  My friend is a good mother she dotes on her daughter. She takes her on trips and does fun activities with her. Even though she is the attentive parent the little girl is all about her daddy. When the child is screaming at her mother and she is trying to displine the father is more at getting yelling at the mother for not being a better parent instead of going in there and telling his 4year old that she can not talk to her mother that way. I have also noticed that her behaviour is becoming somewhat defiant and heaven forbid you tell her she can't have something or that she can only have a few of something.  This behaviour is not something that just started it's been this way every since she could talk however it is getting worst.  I just don't think any child should speak or be allowed to speak to any adult that way. How do we displine?

[RockRose]

I don't know if discipline is the right way to go,  family therapy might be better.

It's not very helpful to force a child to simply stop saying what they feel like saying.

My guess is,  the father in this home has all the power and the mother has none.  Seeing that there are two kinds of people in the world,  the powerful and the powerless,  the girl has decided being the powerful is better, and the way you do that is by verbally abusing people.

Her dad needs to stop doing that in front of her,  and her mother needs to stop appearing to be such a weak victim.

[margypops]

i may be missing something but I couldnt help wondering when this child is with her mom , between the grandad and you ,her friend who seems to take care of her ,does she also go to daycare or a school during the week ?Sounds like she is missing her mom and Dad  and it comes out in a tantrums.

[THERESA70]

RockRose
So your saying I should do and say nothing when she says what she feels like saying.

Her mother is with her 90% of the time and devotes all her time to her. I’m sorry if it came across that my friend is the weak one because I can assure you she is not. She is frustrated with her child’s behavior and unlike most 2 parent household has never had the backing of the father when it came to correcting or discipline. He gives in to her so that he can avoid a melt down. I don’t know any parent that wouldn’t be hurt by their child that has started to repeatedly say “I don’t love you” “mommy I don’t like you”.  The parents are currently going through a separation and are attempting to do it as friendly as possible for the sake of the child.
Yes she is in daycare however she is perfect in daycare. There are no issues with her there. I watch her maybe once every couple of months and her Grandfather may pick her up once or twice a week from daycare and then may only have her for about an hour till mommy or daddy get there then she is with them for the rest of the evening However daddy does leave once mommy gets home to go have a little him time and has done this since she came home from the hospital. Mommy and grandpa are the ones that are always at any function that she has either with church or dance. Daddy has only been to one and quickly left once she was done.  
Yes I agree that family therapy is the best answer.