Uncontrollable 3 Year Old

My daughter, her husband and our 3 yr old grandson came to visit for the weekend.  I am shocked at the dramatic change in behavior in just one month since last seeing our grandson. I am very concerned but my daughter doesn't feel there is any cause of concern. He does not listen to anything you say. He wants his way and will scream, kick, punch and throw himself on the floor if you don't concede.  In public he acts this way also and I had to leave a store and a restaurant with him because of his acting out. He is very aggressive, talks a mean streak with angry facial expressions. He goes to daycare where the children are not separated by ages. He is among the older kids and I wonder if he hasn't picked up this bully attitude from them.  His parents pretty much let him run the show until they've had enough of it and will smack him or make him go to timeout.  This boy is extremely intelligent for his age but he's scaring me. His parents allow him to watch horror movies, violent movies and he is addicted to wrestling. He often talks of cutting off your head with a knife... I just can't believe the transformation of this little boy in such a short period of time.  What would you suggest?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Ms. Orr,

You are right to be concerned about your grandson. His aggressive behavior is not indicative of a normal-spectrum child behavior problem (even if it were, it would need to be managed).

Such aggression in a young child is usually indicative of a feeling of vulnerabilty and lack of safety (either physically or emotionally). It sounds as if he is receiving an insufficient amount of structure and protective supervision at home, and that his parents' efforts at behavior management are not systematic or sufficiently organized.

Now, there may be little you can do. It's up to his parents to seek help; if they don't perceive that there is a problem, they may well not be inclined to seek help. Nonetheless, the wise course would be for them to consult with a pediatric mental health professional, the sooner the better - there would be nothing to lose by such a plan, and potentially much to be gained.

[Ashley_Davison_8]

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