Unhappy 9yr old Daughter/Very frustrated Mom

[dsnd11]

I am a mom of a 9yr old girl and a 4yr old boy. I work full time and commute 3 hrs a day. My husband works at night and we do not see eachother at all during the week. We have been married 13 years. My son is extremely rambunctious and they fight constantly. I should also mention that I am hearing impaired. Often dd (darling daughter) will tell on ds (darling son) about something that he said or did in which I did not see or hear.
The real problem right now is that dd cries all the time. If she has to do homework, feed the dog, get ready in the am, hair is not right, clothes are not right (private school so no choice). I get so frustrated I scream all the time. This morning I told her to get dressed. 20 minutes later she's in her room crying doing nothing. Then she's whining because her pony tail isn't tight enough. Then she's crying because her pants don't 'fit right'. She always seems unhappy and mopeing around. I just do not know how to handle this. It is so hard trying to balance all of this and I feel like I will explode sometimes. I do not understand why all the crying. Maybe for attention. But I can't for the life of me figure out how to give the attention she craves with the schudule that I have. Not only that, but I have had her in cheerleading which she loves, so I have tried to build her esteem ect.
DS is finally starting to come out of his terrible two stage (tantrums ect). And when DD isn't home, DS is fine, quite, helpful and pleasant to be around. But when they're together it's chaos. Please help!!!

[winx]

I have an unhappy 9 year old daughter, too.  I am completely available for her.  I work while she is at school, get her ready and drop her off, pick her up from school, stay home all afternoon/evenings, weekends, etc.  I pretty much cater to her all day and she is still unhappy.  She has these horrible outbursts where she stamps her foot, tries to push me down, glares at me, tells me I'm mean and not pretty enough, etc.  This is usually when I am trying to be helpful in the most careful, nicest way I know how, when she's asked me for help!  So being with your daughter more might not be the answer.  I never yell at her and have never spanked her, I try to talk out what happened after she's done exploding, but it still happens, sometimes three or four times a week.  I'm tired.  When she gets going, nothing will snap her out of it until she's done.  It can last an hour!  I wish I could walk out of the house and keep going.

[Pauline582]

A related discussion, my unhappy 9 year old daughter... was started.

[pammy21]

A related discussion, Help with my 9 year old was started.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

One thing to weigh is the degree to which the family is under stress due to the collection of your schedules. If you find yourself yelling, it is a symptom of your own stress and it may be contributing to the unhappiness your daughter is displaying. It may be that you and your husband are not sufficiently available to the children. They are young and require a lot of attention, and some children are better able to 'roll with the punches' than others. It would be prudent to have your daughter evaluated by a pediatric mental health clinician to gain a perspective on the 'source' or nature of her unhappiness. The sort of complaining and dissatisfaction you are describing is not typical of a child of nine.