Using self control when frustrated or angry

This problem has just begun in the last week or so.  My daughter is 4 years old and has always been a little aggressive in her behavior.  She is very bright and is able to verbalize to us that she "just feels angry inside" and just wants everyone to "go away".  Her outbursts are almost always a verbal lashing for one of us in the family, not physical.  She says hurtful words to her older sister as well as me, her mom.  After breaking one of her sister's toys this morning, her only explanation was that "she felt like it". Her outbursts are not predictable.  The odd thing is I feel like she is remorseful at times and she always apologizes for her outburst, but isn't seeming to learn from the experience.  Does the fact that she can verbalize to me that she has angry feelings inside that she doesn't know how to control tell me that she may need to speak to a doctor to help her deal with this anger, or is there something I can do to help her???  I always reassure her that everyone has angry feelings inside, but we all deal with them in different ways.  I remove her from the situation or walk away and let her scream it out then she usually apologizes.  Is this a normal way for a 4 year old female to learn how to deal with frustration/anger??  Any suggestion is helpful.

Thanks

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Carly,

I wouldn't worry at this point, since this behavior has occurred over a brief period. Actually, it's a good sign that your daughter is able to recognize her feeligs and tell you about them. Keep encouraging her to say more at such times. It's a normal developmental task for children to learn how to handle various feelings, and this process takes time.

[D.Saner]

Hi Carly.  I'm not a doctor, but I have to disagree.  My son started out the same way.  Many times, a large part of the problem is that a child isn't able to "identify" and verbalize their true emotions.  My son was always able to tell me exactly how he feels.  He would simply state, "I'm mad.  I'm sad., etc. He now tells me that there is something inside of him that makes him mad and that he can't control it.  The verbal abuse has increased and the aggressive behavior has now become very physical and harmful.  He is now 7 years old and our family is in crisis.  I knew there was something "wrong" since before my son could walk.  For years, doctors, therpists, counselors, etc. have told me not to worry - that he was too young to be truly concerned about exhibited behaviors, that we would more than likely grow out of them, etc.  Like your daughter, my son is almost always remorseful - unfortunately, by that time, the damage has been done.  I think the best advice is this:  your maternal instincts are the most accurate.  If your daughter's behavior doesn't seem "normal" to you - it certainly doesn't hurt to find a good, understanding doctor or therapist to talk to.  Apparently, your daughter can VERBALIZE her feelings, however, she doesn't know how to deal with those feelings because she is acting them out with inappropriate behaviors. Again, you know your child best.  If you feel there is a problem, follow your heart.  If there is no problem, all is well.  If there is, perhaps you'll be able to work it out through counseling (anger management, etc.)while she's still so young, rather than the behavior escalating as she gets older.  I hope this helps!  Good luck.