Violent Child in My Daughter's Day Care Class

[wxman]

Hello,
My 2 1/2 year old daughter recently came home with a bloody scratch on her cheek inflicted by another child in her class.  She's been in daycare since she was one year old and has never been injured by another child.  We recently moved and changed day care centers.  She's been at the new center where this incident occurred for about three weeks now.  Although the center would not say which child hurt her, they hinted that this child has been a problem in the past.  I have to admit that I feel somewhat angry and helpless.  The providers ensure me that the  child's parents were notified and that the child was disciplined, but I'm doubtful on whether this was truly followed up on both by the parents and center.  I'm not sure how to handle this situation without looking like an overprotective parent.  If this child continues to hurt his/her classmates, at what point do I pull my child out of the class and find another provider?  At what point will the center force a disruptive child to leave?  I appreciate any advice or help anyone can give to me on how to handle this.
Thanks,
Bryan

[babygirl6152]

Children are not thrown in my room like a bunch of animals and forgotten about- good grief!
I love every one of my babies at toddler preschool. And of course I love the babies that have behavior problems...... and I am anything but "cold".

I had one boy bite- this was on "parent visiting/orientation- Meet the Teacher" day. There were 8 children in the room, 6 moms, 2 dads , 2 teachers, and this one little boy bit 3 times, slapped a teacher, slapped a child- and he was so fast- it was unreal- We were right there. His mother was mortified. She left that day in tears. Some children have never been in a situation with other children where they have to share. They don't realize at age 2 that others have feelings. Yes mom wants to teach them, yes, I want to teach them. It takes time, and love and patience. We worked with him for 6 weeks. He continued to bite anyone that got close to him and the toy he was playing with. He bit once when I was changing his diaper because another child walked too close. Just took a nip out of the other boy's ankle. I was right there and it happened so fast, I couldn't stop it.

Just wanted to say- as a caregiver I am sorry that any child gets hurt. In a perfect world there are no bites and scratches, punches, slaps. We live in a world of chaos and suffering. I hate it, but I deal with my "problem toddlers" lovingly and patiently. They do apologize or at least hug the offended party and they do receive some type of discipline such as time out every time. And they usually improve.

I agree, don't just voice your concerns to the teacher. My "biter" although I loved him was not ready to interact yet with other babies. He was expelled. The other parents had to confront the director to sort of "put the heat on"/

Good luck

[tiredbuthappy]

you may also want to take a look at this recent thread to help give you insight into the other child's parents' perspective:

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/715234

it can be very frustrating to be the parent of a child who has behavioral difficulties. and these problems are not exclusive to children in daycare- if you look through these threads, you will find many desperate stay-at-home parents finding solutions for their child's behavior. best of luck!

[tiredbuthappy]

i would suggest that you ask to meet with the director and have an honest discussion about your concerns. She may be able to give you insight into the situation and help you decide whether or not you should consider moving your child. I would also suggest you request to come and spend a morning or day in the class so that you can see for yourself what is going on.

[tiredbuthappy]

My goal is not to get into the daycare vs home with mom debate with you... we both know how the other feels about it and that we won't change the other person's perspective. I did want to say that in general, i found your comments to be way off. Is a parent the optimal caregiver? in most cases, yes. i won't argue that (although i have seen several cases where that is not true). but to say that noone cares what happens to the children in the class is very wrong. Disdain, disregard and coldness? I'm not sure what type of facility you have observed, but in all of my years working with young children, i have only seen a couple of people who did not belong there. I don't think many people realize how much of an investment these caregivers make- both emotional and financial. i can honeslty say i had LOVE for the children in my class- i don't think one could work with children and not grow to love each one individually. The tears a caregiver cries at the end of the year when the class moves on are not tears of joy. It is a very difficult and unappreciated (as demonstrated by your comments) job. we sure as heck wouldn't be doing it if we didn't truly care. because i can guarantee- they are NOT working for the paycheck. you'd probably make more money at a check-out counter at the supermarket.

like i said, i am NOT doing this to start up the stay-at-home/daycare debate. i just want to know why you think so lowly of childcare providers. have you had personal negative experiences? i assume not, since you had the priviledge of staying home with your children. Have you worked in a center? If you did and you witnessed what you describe, then it obviously isn't a quality program.

[RockRose]

I feel both ways about this.  I agree that children need to deal with a certain amount of social interaction that is negative,  and the occasional spat with other kids will teach them about how to deal with difficulties.

On the other hand,  nature gave kids two parents.  In daycare,  NO ONE  has a parent protector,  babies are  all just tossed into a group room and no one really cares very much what happens to them as long as it isn't catastrophic and doesn't lead to lawsuits.

So you can expect a certain amount of being bitten,  scratched,  cursed at,  molested,  punched,  from other kids.  And you can expect a certain amount of disdain,  disregard,  coldness from the women who work there.

No moms are present.  NONE of this would happen if these baby's  mothers were  there to monitor what goes on.  

[Natta1980]

You are defenitely overreacting. Is your daughter afraid of going to daycare because of this child? If not, move on, it has been handled already - injuries happen to little children...Who knows - maybe your little one took a toy away from that child...Or the other way around....My son was bitten recently by a "violent"child - and now he scared of children that growl - that "violent"child used to pretend that he is a tiger of some sort...Thing is, it was a learning experience for him, and  whenever he recalls that accident, we make a learning moment out of it - why things like that happen, how to react, and how not to react.

Good luck and take it easy:)