WHAT SHOULD I DO???

I have a 4 yr old daughter(step-daughter).  Her birth mother died 2 yrs ago.  She is a great child but a little spoiled.  She is the baby and she is also the spitting image of her birth mother.  Apparently she acts like her quite a bit too.  So at her gramdmothers (her birth mom's mom) she can do no wrong.  She was very used to getting her way just by crying a little or flashing that beautiful smile.  That was unitl I came along.  She has an older brother and a older step-brother and I like to do my best to make sure that there is no favortism.  Things have been fine for about 1-2 yrs now with no problem(except normal misbehavior of course).  But, the last few weeks she has become a holy terror at summer camp. She refuses to follow directions, she has been throwing hissy fits when she dosn't get her way, and went so far as to shove one of the counslors and another child.  I have spoken with counslors at summer school and she is getting along with the other kids although she is a little bit a bully.  She just does not want to do what she is told.  She wants to do what she wants to do regardless of the consequences. Her father and I have been taking away all of her priviliges but this is not working either (the only thing left in her room is the bed and she has been grounded for about a week and 1/2 now).  I ask her if she likes it there and she says yes.  I have been asking if anyone, adult or child, is hurting her or scaring her, or making her feel bad and she says no.  She does not act like this at home so i dont know what to do. We have ran out of ways to punish her. I thought at first because she was in a new place she was testing her bounds but you would think she would be tired of being in trouble by now.  If she gets in trouble there much more they want let her come back.  She has done this once before when school first started but never to this extreme. And when she say that she was punished at home she stopped. please help!!!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Instead of the all-or-nothing approach to managing the oppositional behavior at school, here's an alternative. Send her to camp each day with a 3x5 index card, ruled into 2-4 segments (each representing a portion of the day). She receives credit for each portion of she adheres to camp rules during that particular segment (this can be indicated by a sticker, a brief comment, YES/NO, etc). Then, at home, distribute her privileges accordingly. As an example, let's say that she views TV. She can earn 15 minutes of TV time for each sticker. Or, she might earn 20 minutes of outdoor play for each sticker, etc. You get the point. When she does not earn a sticker in a segemnt, of course she doesn't receive the respective reward, and she would also receive a ten-minute time out. In this fashion, you have the opportunity to reinforce the productive portions of the day.

[CharmedFan0319]

This is just my honest oppinion but if she goes to school all year long I dont think its good to make her go all summer to. That might be bit to much for her. Im no expert or anything but thats what I think. Like here at the school here they have a thing called Summer Reading camp. It doesnt last all day it just does until lunchtime. But if she is going to summer school all day I think thats a bit to much to her to make her go all year long. She might be getting sick of it and then acting out. I think you should keep her home and try keeping her on a napping schedule maybe she wont be as cranky.  I just think the summer school thing is to much for a 4 year old.

[JANICE69]

Than you for your response but there is a misunderstanding.  It is not summer school but summer camp.  It is kinda like daycare. They do activites, arts and crafts, swimming, bowling that sort of thing.

[CharmedFan0319]

Oh I am sorry..Thanks for letting me know.

[nae-nae]

hi i have an 12 years old daughter and she is a great child.she bites her nails really bad and she also wet her bed.what should i do?