WHAT TO DO?

MY SON JUST TURNED 3 YEARS OLD, I AM MARRIED WITH A VERY STABLE FAMILY LIFE. MY SON CAN BE A SWEET HEART AND OTHER TIMES WE CANNOT GET HIM TO LISTEN. WE HAVE TRIED TIME OUT, THE CORNER, SPANKING, TALKING FIRM IN ONE TONE WHEN HE IS IN TROUBLE, WE HAVE PUT HIM IN HIS ROOM WITH DOOR SHUT AND HE KICKS, SAYS HE HATES US, HE WILL KNOCK THINGS OVER IN HIS ROOM, HE WILL COMPLETELY RECK HIS ROOM, SCREAMING AND CRYING PINCHING AND BITEING WHAT DO WE DO? HE WILL LICK OUR COMPANY CLIMB ALL OVER THEM AND NOTHING WE DO WILL MAKE HIM STOP OR LISTEN. TIME OUT WE FEEL IS NOT AN OPTION FOR A CHILD WHO WON'T EVEN STAY IN HIS ROOM OR BED NO MATTER WHAT. I HAVE TAKEN EVERYTHING OUT OF HIS ROOM AND IT TOOK ME 2 DAYS TO PUT IT ALL BACK TOGETHER, SO IT IS PUNISHING US TOO.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Andrea,

From the sound of it, you lack a systematic way to deal with your son's behavior. My guess is that a number of the tactics you have employed might yet be helpful, but that your method of implementing them is probably at fault. In other words, in situations such as yours, it's not the technique that is the problem, it is the execution of the technique.

As a start, read S.O.S. Help for Parents, or 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12. These are tried and true guides to behavior management, and should be helpful. Also, consider consulting with a mbehavioral health professional who can offer you guidance and help you to develop a sound plan for managing behavior.