Wetting pants out of laziness?

My step-son will be 8 yrs old in 3 months and still wets his pants during the day.  He lives with his mother, step-dad and 3 yr old half-sister (who is not potty trained).  When he turned 2 his mother immediately started putting him in underwear and he would just wet his pants.  Now after almost 6 years it does not bother him in the least to be wet.  He doesn't even say anything or go and change clothes on his own.  He is with us this weekend and when we got him yesterday from school he had wet his pants ( and was still wearing the clothes).  I found them later when they were on the floor.  He just informed me that he wets his pants almost every day at school but doesn't change his clothes or tell anyone.  His mother never even notices his wet pants and he doesn't tell her.  If she does find out she just says
"that's bad and don't do it".  When I asked him why he wets his pants he tells me because he just tries to hold it and doesn't go.  There are no consequences for wetting his pants at his house.  My husband and I have been married for 6 years.  He and his ex-wife divorced when my stepson was a baby.  I have been in the picture since he was one so that is basically his entire life.  His mother remarried when he was 3 yrs old.  His mother has had him on medication for ADHD since kindergarten.  We have never seen any signs exhibited of ADHD or ADD.  He shows usual boy behavior for his age.  He is on grade level and his school work has never been an issue.  However, once he started school and had gone to the principal several times in Kdg. for behavior they decided it was just easier to medicate him then address the behavior.  The behavior issues were minor clowning around and not attention issues.  Instead of setting up a behavior plan they started drugging him.  His mother, which is the biological parent at his home, does no discipline.  She does not want to be the bad guy so the stepdad handles all behavior.  We have observed they he is zombie like when on his medication.  He doesn't bring the medication to our house at all.  We have gone to his pediatrician and voiced our opinion that he doesn't need the medication.  However, he lives with his mother and she has the right to medicate him as she sees fit.  My husband and I are very bothered by the fact that he is medicated to make their lives easier.  He doesn't come with medication to our house at all.  He only takes it when he is with them. They baby him alot at his house so I don't think he is doing it out of attention.   When he comes to our house we do not baby him.  He is treated like a 7 yr old boy.   I am an early childhood teacher with a special ed certificate.  I have been teaching for 10 years.  I have a 9 yr old son from my first marriage and we have a 4 yr old daughter together.  He is with us every other weekend and during school holidays.  We have no behavior problems with him at all.   He also doesn't wet his pants at our house at all.  I find it hard to believe that he can control his bladder at our house but not when he is at school or at his own home.  He knows that if he wets his pants at our house there will be negative consequences.  We go on long road trips, take vacations,spend time outdoors and stay very busy with no episodes of wet pants.  As a teacher and mother I find it absolutely disguisting that he wets his pants at school and then spends the day in those wet clothes.  It is very unsanitary that he is sitting on things with urine on his clothes and then other children sit there too. His mother is about to have another baby so any extra effort it may take to address this problem is completely out of the question.  Please let us know if you have any suggestions.  We know there is little we can do to control the problem because he lives with his mother and stepdad.  However,  I know that soon it will affect his peer relationships at school because kids will make fun of him.  Is it possible that it could be a health problem and not laziness or behavior related?  We are desperate to end this problem so please help us.  Thanks.    


This discussion is related to 7yr old wets pants.

[momagain59]

"As a teacher and mother I find it absolutely disguisting that he wets his pants at school and then spends the day in those wet clothes."

I totally agree with the fact that he should not be allowed or forced to set in wet clothing all day long. I do not have many childhood memories but one that I do have is of a boy that I was in third grade with, he wet his pants all the time and the teacher did nothing to help this boy. I always felt so sorry for him. None of the other kids would have anything to do with him. I wanted to help him and did not know how or what to do. This kid is now a mentally ill adult that was being abused in his home when he was a child.

Please go to the school and ask, "Why is our son sitting in wet clothing all day long? Someone has to know this is happening. They can at least check his clothing and send him to the restroom on a regular basis. He should always have a change of clothing with him. Do you think he could be depressed? Do you think he is being abused in any way by anyone? Here I am again, I feel so sorry for this little boy. Please help him.

[JennaRKEW]

I am sorry.  I have an 8 year old daughter who pees like every day, but I don't know what I should do as a concequense if it happens.  What are your suggestions?
As for you, I would sit him down and talk to him about how gross it is and just give him love.  You can explain to him that no matter where he is, he can control his bladder.  I would even give him rewards when you pick him up with dry pants.  Because of your situation, I think this is the most you can do.  What did his doctor say about getting him off the meds?  I think this sounds like a cry fro help and you can show him twice the love when you have him.  I will pray for you.