What am I doing wrong?

[ltmw1297]

I am a 37 year old mother of three daughters aged 14,11, and 9.  The girls father and I divoced in 1997, and I have since remarried.  Our household seems to be what I would call fairly normal,we all are very busy but we make family time for each other.  The girls spend every Tuesday and every other weekend with their dad. My problem is my 9 year old, she was diagnosed with ADHD last year and has been taking Adderal XR 10mg 1x daily. Her hyperactivity and mood seemed to balance out for the first seven months, but in the last 6 months everything has been pretty much out of control.  It is almost daily now that she has atleast two full blown temper tantrums about anything that she does not agree with or want to do.  Everything is someone elses fault.  When something is lost, she will insist that someone else lost it or took it.  Her behavior gets very agressive with yelling, stomping, crying and sometimes kicking. She is very negative with almost everything, never seems to be happy about much of anything(unless she is with her friends) and something is always wrong with her.  This behavior has taken over our house.  I am currently seeing a family tharapist, who has seen my daughter on one occasion.  She felt from that visit that her medication was not accurate.  I then spoke with her pediatric doctor who did increase her medication up to 15mg daily. I have continued to see the tharapist trying to learn how deal with this for myself and the rest of the family.  The tharapist has suggested having her evaluated by a child psychiatrist for bi-poplor disorder. This is now starting to cause alot of problems with my other daughters because the only thing they see is that my youngest daughter is getting all the attention because of her behavior.  I have tried to explain this to them that I am very concerned about their feelings and I am trying  to find out what I can do to help all of us and to make our house a more peaceful enviorment.  They  have become resentful because I am always upset or in a bad mood.  I have tried all I know to do and feel like everything is getting worse instead of better.  The part I find most interesting is my older daughters tell me that when they are with their dad her behavior is pretty much very normal with no tantrums or rude behavior. I would appreciate any suggestions or information that may be available out there.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The advice the therapist issued is prudent. Your daughter's behaviors may be symptomatic of a mood disorder (i.e., depression or bipolar disorder) - it is worth an evaluation. Is there any family history of mood disorder? If so, it increases your children's vulnerability to such conditions. Your daughter's symptoms may also be indicative of Disruptive Behavior Disorder (her ADHD is one sub-type of DBD). Whether a manifestation of DRD or Mood Disorder, the behavior requires a systematic behavior management plan. Perhaps the family therapist can help you with that. Whether or not medication is ultimately employed, the behavior management component of the intervention is important. Two books which you might find help ful are: (a) SOS: Help for Parents, by Lynn Clark, and (b) The
Explosive Child, by Ross Greene.

[gurg]

If your daughter is fine around her father why not just send her there? Drugging your child up will only put off the situation until later, a change of scenery can be a more positive option.