What can I do, really?

[hawley7]

my 7 year old step son has been living with us for about a year now.  he doesn't see his mother at all.  as a matter of fact he doesn't ask for her or talk about her.  i took on that role, to my dismay.  i love my husband very much.  i did this for him.  i know he loves his child but he steals from the other kids. i have a 5 year old and a 1 year old.  he steals from me and his dad.  he lies even when he is caught.  he is violent towards the other children and this is just the basic tip of the iceberg.  his behavior is horrible, he is rude and disrespectful all the time.  however, at school he is an angel.  i don't get that part.  anyway, since i found out he was stealing in the middle of the night, i have kept him at my side at all times.  he is not allowed to go to the bathroom alone, because every time i turn my back he takes something else.  i don't know what to do. we took him to a therapist, but i am to the point that i just want him gone.  i don't want to leave my husband, i love him.  what can i do????

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

This type of behavior indicates a lack of adequate parenting during the early years, and the behavior will likely persist unless he receievs professional intervention. Part of the treatment package should be a systematic plan for managing his behavior, a plan that you and your husband can implement at home. The fact that the behaviors do not appear to be occurring across settings indicates that the focus of treatment should be on the family system. Do not try to handle this by yourselves.

[hawley7]

thank you so much.  I am just feeling very down about the whole situation.

[7isenough]

It sounds to me that this little boy needs some attention. He probably feels rejected by his mother and now step-mom is trying to be a mother for her husband sake. He's stealing because he wants everyone to know he's around and needs love.
Yeah, he will need some family therapy. With divorice and a new family and step-siblings and all, but if Step-Mom will spend some "quality one-on-one" with him it will make a difference and he may not want to steal.

[D.Grimes]

I feel sorry for the boy.  It does not sound like he is getting very much positive attention and love from the step-mom.  It must be very degrading for a 7-year old boy not to be able to use the bathroom in private.  Maybe he is acting out because he knows or feels that he is unwanted in your household.  I know it was very apparent to me from what you wrote.  I think the step-mother needs to focus on her additude and make some major changes with herself.

[singlemomof4]

Everyone seems to be blamming you, the step-mom. Not me, I totally understand you! My son is 11 now, but ever since I can remmeber, he was stealing things and hitting on his siblings. My brother died last year and when I finally went through the cards, I wondered why there were no cards from certain family memebers I knew were at the funeral. Low and behold, I found all the cards with over $300 hidding in my sons closet. When I take him to a store, I have to pat him down before leaving because he steals so much. I have called 911 on him and drove him to the Police sation thinking this would scare him straight, but it lasts for 2 weeks if even that! Stealing is just one of his many behaviors! Now as for the way you feel... I know when you wrote that, you were probebly venting more then anything, because thats what I do! If you believe you have done everything in your power to help this child, there is always one more thing. Finding it is the hard part! Have you talked to anyone about him being a clepto.? What does he steal? My son used to hoard the things he stole. Now he just steals for what seems to be pleasure. He says a voice in his head tells him to steal. Mind you this is what he told the cops! He is ADHD and on meds. His diagnosis seems to change every 6 months though. if you ever find the answer, please let me know! Take Care and don't give up! I know you won't!