What should I do about my sons friend forcing him to touch him

I am so lost and have no one to talk to because I don't want to ruin this families reputation.
My son was at his friends...they live next door, I dont think they would be friends if they didn't live next door. My son is 9 and I would consider him the weaker link.he wants to be friends with the boy(also 9) so bad..but my son usually is left out or not invited. That is usally the most painful part ..but yesterday the boys mother said she found them with no pants on..When I got to her house they were both crying and saying it was the others idea..
My son has an ADHD diagnosis so he is usally the one everyone blames,and looking in the Mothers eyes I knew she thought my son had started it, after some time the other boy admitted it was his idea..(and it wasnt the first time). My son said the boy would let him know when he could stop touching him..my son said he didnt want to but he kept begging and would let him play his video game until he was done.
I told the other boy how proud I was that he told the truth....but I cant believe it..Im in shock. Also, the boy told my son he did this with another friend where he used to live and its no big deal. I saw the Mother at school..the boys are in the same class and she ignored me...Everytime I walk out of my house I see them....I dont know what to do

[AnnieBrooke]

Keep the kids apart, is the first thing.

The other boy told the truth in front of his mother?  Then don't worry if the mother is ignoring you, she is probably ashamed and worried, not blaming you or cutting your acquaintance.  

Try finding your son another interest in life besides mooning around wanting to be friends with that neighbor.  Lessons like martial arts, music (kids at that age love guitar), art, soccer camp, anything to give him a better sense of himself as competent and capable, so he won't be so desperate to want to be affirmed by others so much that he will acquiesce to something like this.  

[allmymarbles]

Ditto.

[mammo]

I'm sure the mother is embarrassed and finds it difficult to face you knowing her son was the instigator.  I would try approaching her and tell her that "we are neighbors and need to get along, I don't want this to be an issue with us.  It's over and has been dealt with." But you do need to keep these boys apart, and I agree that you need to find other interests for your son.  Allow him to speak to the boy, and that's as far as it goes.  If you keep him occupied with other things, then he will be too busy to hang out with this kid, and it shows the mother that it's due to this and not her son's actions.  This way she can't say you are blaming her, etc and you can be civil to one another.  It's tough when you are neighbors and you want it to be comfortable living next door to them. Talk to your son about not doing things when bribed because it usually leads to trouble.  I don't think everyone needs to know your son is ADHD, it doesn't make him a bad kid, but I can see it making people want to blame him, which is rediculous!  Getting your son involved in other activities will build his self esteem and allow him to meet like minded kids.  I wish you all the best and take care!

[jgee807]

I value all the advice....Sports start next week and I found art classes on sat that we will try. Its so nice to have answered with respect and great ideas..Thank you

[RockRose]

jgee,  glad you're working toward other stuff for him.

This may,  in some odd way,  turn out for the best.  This dynamic of a weak kid and a bullying kind of kid where the weak kid is so drawn to the bully and wants to befriend him is such a common dynamic in girls - and is horrible to watch - but seems rarer in boys.  

Maybe in the grand scheme of things this will make your son more confident and less desperate to please boys who are mean to him.

Best wishes.

[AnnieBrooke]

I also do strongly recommend martial arts.  He doesn't need to stand in line and wait to bat, or wait on the sidelines for the coach to call him in to play for a short while, in martial arts.  It's immediate and absorbing.  Plus, it is different than just being herded in with the other guys for sports at school, and gives him that sense of specialness and mastery that will lift him out of the tendency to be the one who follows along after another kid.  

[yngdad]

Don't worry about what ur neighbor thinks. Think about ur son. I agree keep him from the boy, and keep him occupied. Have u thought about maybe like Boys and Girls Club or something of the sort to help him make new friends? Good luck.