What should I do now? Sexual abuse amongst step-siblings

My husband and I just found out tonight that my 12 year old step son (whom I have legally adopted within the last 4 years) asked our 4 year old son to suck his ding ****.  After questioning our 4 year old and our 12 year old they indicated that the situation happened and that our 12 year old had forced our 4 year old to do this. Initially this questioning started when our 4 year old asked me if I was going to suck Daddy's ding **** because big brother made me suck his ding ****.  After our complete shock and anger....we weren't sure where to go from there.  My husband and I were so upset that we called my husbands parents to come get the 12 year old and remove him from our house as quickly as possible so we could figure out what to do.  The 12 year old is showing no remorse over what happened and our 4 year old is worried that big brother is getting in trouble.  I read on line that if the abuser is 12 or over we have to report this incident.  I don't even know how to do that-and at this point I don't even want my step son anywhere near our other 3 children.  What should I do now??? I love my step-son but I can't take the risk that he may try this behavior again.

[chigirl29]

Call children's services with your department of human resources or services.  It is called different things in different areas.  Since he is showing no remorse, he needs help--they can get him help.  And so does the little boy.  Removing him from the home was a good idea.  You are lucky to have such a supportive family.  He may have to go and live with his mother.  You didn't mention her so I don't know if she is in the picture, but I would not let him near my bio children either.

I hope things work out for you.

[SL345]

You can contact STOP IT NOW, a child abuse prevention program in Vermont at 888-PREVENT (www.stopitnow.org) or Safer Society for the names of professionals specializing in this area of mental health. The laws vary from state to state and you need to find out what the law is in your jurisdiction. Getting him out of the house is a good idea, but you also have to think about where he is going. Are his grandparents fully aware of what happened? Can they offer him appropriate supervision? Will he be around other more vulnerable children? Since you know what happened with your son, you have a duty to be sure that proper steps are taking to get him the help he needs and to ensure that he is appropriately supervised. It is an overwhelming thing to have take place, but there is help. A good number of children who are sexually aggressive have themselves either been victims of abuse or have serious emotional problems.  Although it's much easier said than done, staying calm and not being overly explosive or punitive is important at a time like this until you understand more about what's going on. Let us know how it goes so we can help you get through this tough time.

[rebbecca]

i agree with sl345, something has or may have happened to ur 12 year old son. i also think that by pushing him out of the house will not help either, and yes i do understand that u did this to protected ur other children. but he also needs u too. he is probably giving the who cares front b/c he is scared and doesnt know what else to do. being 12 he does understand and know that people get in alot of problem for doing things like these to other people. get him into see a therpist asap!!!!!!! and giving him back to his bio mom isnt going to help anything b/c he probably knows in his heart that if she wanted him then he wouldnt be living with u now.
please find it in ur heart to help him not push him out!!!!!!!!! i wish ur family the best out come!!!!!!!!!

[lyn231]

honey, u have to think about the kids that dont know better and i hate to put it like this but that 12 yr old mainly raped ur child. I think that he should not be around ur kids and that he needs to be kept away form other kids as well. he also needs to be taken in and found out what is going on inside his head because if u dont stop it now it could turn into something ssssssooooooo much worse. such as rape of a woman in later years as an adult.
u have to do something no matter what might happen

[SL345]

Most kids exhibiting sexually aggressive behavior do NOT go on to become adult sex offenders. It is wrong to think of them as a budding adult ********* or rapist. Each child needs to be evaluated and looked at individually. At this age, there is help to prevent recurrent sexual behavior problems. Although this is scary stuff, it seems that we are ready to lock kids up and throw away the key when there is a sexual component to their misbehavior. We seem more willing to tolerate kids being physically aggressive than sexually aggressive. Most kids exhibiting sexual behavior problems have themselves been victims of abuse - either sexually, physically or emotionally. Many have untreated co-occurring emotional and behavioral problems. We can't afford to lock these kids up and throw away the key. They will eventually come out worse for it and have more rather than less risk of reoffending. Yes, they have hurt people and they need to be supervised and treated, but they are apart of our community and they need our help and support, too.