What should we do?

[luckycharmsone]

My boyfriend has a 3 year old girl and a 4 year old boy. I have been living with my boyfriend for about 2 months now and have seen alot of things that I have never seen any other 3 and 4 year olds do. My boyfriends kids clim on things all the time, they push over t.v.'s and stand on them, they go thrue walets and take everything out of them and almost always destroy what is in them, they are on meds to help them sleep at night but still wake up in the middle of the night and get the the frig and the cubbords and take things out that they can open and dump them on the flore (such as packaged cheeze, hot dogs, butter and much more). They no they arent supposted to go into my and there dads room but they still do and they lock the dore and get into all of are stuff and mess everything up. We have a spare room in are house and the kids know that they arent alound in there cause thats were I do the laundry and were guess stay but the other night they went in there and pulled all of the folded clothes off the shelfs and destroyed the room. When have tried putting them in time out and even tried makin them clean the mess up but they keep doing it. We dont know what to do cause if we were to put them in time out everytime they did something they werent supposted to then they would never be out of time out. We have had to put hard wood flores in at are house cause of what they had done to the carpet with food and drinks. My boyfriend is at the point to were he want to take Christmas away from the kids this year. We dont know what else to do. What should we do since time outs and makin them clean up the mess dont work?
Thank you from
The kids are running the show

[luckycharmsone]

Thank you for the advice. Im going to answer the questions you asked. Do they get any attention that is good attention from their father? Yes they do get attention from their father but sometimes its hard for him cause he is in the army. Where is their mother in all of this? Their mother parties alot and doesnt have a stable house to live in and bounces around from house to house everynight. Their mom doesnt call to see how they are or anything. If she does call to check on them its cause she needs money or she needs food and wants to use the kids to get it. Do they get to see her? The only time they get to see her is when she wants to see them. The kids dont call her mom they call her by her name and that is what she wants. She is not a mother at all. She did drugs when preg with them and could care less what happens to them.  If not, do they get to spend any special time with grandparents or aunts or uncles? Yes the kids get to see their granparents and aunts and uncles when ever they call and ask if they can see them. The kids go and speend a few weeks to a couple of months with their grandparents during the summer. Aunts and uncles and cousions come by the house to see them when they have the time to stop by. The reward chart for their good behavior is a really good idea and I will make one up tonight for them and show them it and explain how it will work. I will make sure their father is part of this also. I have already re folded all the laundry but I had them go thrue their toy box and throw away the toys they dont play with anymore and I have takin all of their toys out of their bedroom and have put them in another room in the house and they have to earn them back. They will be good to get a few toys back then start acting up again so they get the toys taken away again. We have put locks on the frig and cubbords so the kids cant get into them without us opening it for them. The kids are going thrue test for ADD and ADHD but the doc they are going to is takin his time with it. The kids love having the pets that we have so I will let them know that they need to make sure that the animals have food and water and to help let the dog out when he needs to go outside. I think that would be easy for a 3 yr old and 4 yr old to do and it wont be to much for them to remember right away. Are any one of them in school yet or pre-school? No they are not in pre-school yet but they are in daycare. How do they act there? Most days they act up and dont lison so they get put in time out. They tell me they dont like going to daycare cause they get put in time out. They do good some days but that is when they have gotten up really early in the morning and end up takin a long nap at day care. When they do that thou it makes it worse at home that night cause they have so much energy. I belive they have ADD or ADHD. Do they act out around other people? When they are around people they know they act out alot. When they are in stores they act up alot also but when they are around new people that they have just met they are shy and dont act up at all. They keep to themselfs around new people. The 3 yr old girl has met my side of the family a few times cause they live in another state and each time she has seen them she has been good but each time she starts to act up a little more then the last. I know we have are hands full but I'm not going to give up and I'm going to figure out away to get them on the right track. I may not be their real mom but I am the closest thing they have and I love them with all my heart. Nothing they will do can change that. Thank you for the info and I'm going to try the things you have offered. Thank you again and take care.

[supermomma531]

Keep doing what you are doing with the punishments. Eventually they will get it. Do they get any attention that is good attention from their father? The reason I ask this is because they probably feel like you are invading the territory and they're going to do anything in their will power to mess that up for the both of you. They need to have consistent consequences for all of their actions. So it doesn't matter if they are stuck for all of their free time cleaning up their messes. It needs to be done. While they are cleaning, you and their father should be talking to them about their actions. Taking away their favorite stuffed animal or toy and making them earn it back may work as well. Don;t let them play between the both of you. Where is their mother in all of this? Do they get to see her? If not, do they get to spend any special time with grandparents or aunts or uncles? Try a reward chart for their good behavior. Praising them when they do something right will help to turn their behavior around. They are looking for direct attention from their father. So if he isn't spending any amount of time with them as a father with his children, they are going to get that attention any way they know how and right now the best way is to destroy the house. Make some time to go play at the park with them or to watch a movie or to bake together or to play games together. If they make a mess by dumping food all over, make them clean it while they have to listen to one of you speaking to them about their actions. Make them refold the laundry that they mess up. If you think there is something medically wrong with them, take them to a doctor and have them tested for things like ADD,ADHD,ODD,OCD, etc. Give them responsibilities for house chores that need to be done daily. But make sure that they are praised for their good work! Even if they are sitting quietly playing on their own and not causing a problem, praise them for it! Are any one of them in school yet or pre-school? How do they act there? What about around other people, do they act out around other people? You certainly have your hands full. I hope this info helps. If you have any other questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me. Make sure you get these children the appropriate medical care needed as they may be suffering from any number of things like ADD,ADHD, etc. If they do have anything of this sort, they may need counseling and or need to be medicated. Take care.