Why does my 6 year old wants to show & see private parts?

[Ang2127]

Okay this is really embarrising,,,but I don't know what else to do. My 6 yr old son for the past couple of years has had a problem with wanting to see private parts or wanting to show his private to other children. I watch children at home so this is a big concern for the safety of them. It started about 2 years ago when I kept an older (8yr.old) girl who said something to my son about her private and wanted to touch each others private...well I do not wath her any more of course but that is when it began. I watch another girl same age as my son but on several occasions he has asked to see her private. On every occasion his dad and I talk with him about it and tell him it is not right...do not touch, show your privates to anyone...never! And even though most of you may protest it I do spank him. I hate to say it but in a sense it disgust me to think about my little boy wanting to see or do anything like that. Well it happened again today..he showed his private to a little boy I watch...but he lies and says he did not because he knows he will get in trouble. Again I get on to him and spank him...he says he will never do it again...I have heard that before. I am at my wits end...I don't know what to do...He says he is just curious to what each persons looks like..ewhhh! what do you say or do about that. PLEASE HELP! I am out of ideas.

[KeriBeir]

I know this is an old post, but I really felt I needed to say something. I understand your fear. And you need to understand that the way you responded is actually REALLY abusive, emotionally and physically. It IS totally normal to want to see others' privates, boys and girls. Kids and humans in general are curious. It doesn't sound at all like he's been sexually abused by the 8yo girl. Please get in touch with a therapist for yourself. You need help overcoming your own shame around human bodies. Yes, we teach children that those are private, and we supervise them to help them manage their curiosity, to be a buffer when the curiosity feels stronger than their willpower...ya know...because they are 6 years old and the control center of their brain is the size of a pea and about as weak as one too. But shaming him leads to hiding, as you saw, and when he's a teen things will get WAY worse. He needs to know that your love for him is unconditional, that he is safe to come to you for help when he doesn't know how to manage his big feelings and urges. You showed him that you aren't safe to talk to, and told him that he is unloveable because of his desire to know what a human body looks like. I really don't understand why you say "ewww" that he wanted to know. You clearly had sex to create him. Do you find your husband disguisting for wanting to see your naked body? Again, this is where I say, you really really need therapy. I realize your kiddo is probably grown now but it's never to late to change and repair the relationship. And anyone else reading this...PLEASE don't shame your kids. Get help. Stay calm. Show love. Validate. And boundary with your own supervision, not with punishments. Punishments teach kids to hide, not to stop the behavior.

[forfather]

This is NORMAL INQUISITIVE CHILD BEHAVIOR. Most children go through this phase of development where they begin to notice and recognize the differences between boys and girls. This is were "playing doctor" or "playing house" comes from. Letting them explore their bodies without shame will lead to a healthy understanding of their own place in society.

His actions are perfectly okay . Try not to listen to the rants of feminists and social engineers (socialists). They will twist natural children development to further their agendas.

Either let nature take it's course and allow him to discover, on his own, what a vagina looks like or sit him down and show him one. There are pictures online, in books, magazines and you probably have one too. Don't make it sexual, just educational and informative. Sex education begins here.

[KeriBeir]

Though this is normal behavior I will say, do NOT show him your vagina as this comment suggests. That is sexual abuse. Likewise, in case it needs to be said, showing anyone under 18 any nude pictures depicting sexual acts is also sexual abuse. Make sure the pictures come from scientific resources like anatomy books, where they are neutral.

[tiffkungpo]

I have some very curious children as well, but not as curious as others, Im sure. It does help reading as much on the subject as possible and this is a well thought out website as regards to the topic.

Visit this website:  http://nctsn.org/nctsn_assets/pdfs/caring/sexualdevelopmentandbehavior.pdf

[nannybina]

I am a childcare provider and I have a 5 yr old little boy that is also showing his privates to others and asking to see theirs as well. This has happened with three other little boys ages 4 and 5 and they have all joined in without missing a beat. Now I have tried so much... timeouts, scolding, calm questions and answers... but nothing is getting him to stop. He did this again yesterday and I kept him in timeout all day. Now I don't know if hee needs to be in timeout all day today as well or if he has learned his lesson beecause h has already told me many times today that he will not do it ever again! What do I do now?

[KeriBeir]

You did the best you knew how with the tools you had. And now's an opportunity to get some more tools, if you'll take it. Here's a great article differentiating between normal sexual curiosity, and a time to be concerned. Please remember, even in the times to be concerned, punishment and shaming are NEVER the answer. Concerning behavior just means they need help and protection as well. Children are innocent no matter the behavior. If they are acting out it's because of something they've been exposed to, so why would you punish them for something they had no control over? You need to offer more supervision as a daycare provider to help them navigate their curiosity without shaming. . https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/child-rearing-and-development/sexuality/genital-play-whats-normal-whats-not

[3dplusm]

I have been online looking for help today because my 6 year old boy; for the first time, went to his friend's house (another 6 years old boy) and they were caught hiding~ doing inappropriate things..(at the time it was thought to be talking about bodily parts)..but after my interrogation on the way home I find out that they were both touching and showing each other their penis...even "kissing it"  As to who instigated; at this point who knows? The boys say it is each other, but I cannot understand why and where did this come from. I asked my son "Has this happened before, has anyone ever touched your penis, have you touched anyone else's penis?" And the answer is "No, no, no". I have explained that this is unacceptable and inappropriate behavior. He now feels so ashamed and badly.  I have explained that he has now shown me that he cannot play with other children appropriately; and will not be allowed to go to anyone's house without me or his father present. Now we have addressed the issue and consequence...how do I calm myself down?  What does this mean?!?!?!?!?! Did I do the right thing? HELP!!!!!!!

[KeriBeir]

I realize this is old. But I wanted to jump on and say, there was nothing wrong with your son, and it doesn't mean something happened to him. It's VERY normal. Shaming him will never help. And it's never too late to go back and repair it, evern 12 years later. I'll bet he remembers it vividly as that sound traumatic. Also cut yourself some slack too. You did the best you knew how with the tools you had. And now's an opportunity to get some more tools, if you'll take it. Here's a great article differentiating between normal sexual curiosity, and a time to be concerned. Please remember, even in the times to be concerned, punishment and shaming are NEVER the answer. Concerning behavior just means they need help and protection as well. Children are innocent no matter the behavior. If they are acting out it's because of something they've been exposed to, so why would you punish them for something they had no control over? https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/child-rearing-and-development/sexuality/genital-play-whats-normal-whats-not

[Mr_Questions]

Make him uderstand that it is not ok. Also try to find out exactly what that girl told and did to your son. You may find an aswer to the problem.

[musicmama]

He needs to understand this behavior is not OK, but he doesn't need to feel "dirty" or "nasty" because of it.  He was exposed to something he shouldn't have been, and is reacting to it.  Sex isn't dirty, but his behavior is inappopriate.  I would be a bit more subtle.  If he does this type of behavior, I would isolate him from the other children the rest of the day, or the next day.  My explanation would be, "If I can't trust you around the other children, you have to be by yourself.  I have to keep you and them safe."

By the way, spanking can create some sexual stimulus in chilren who are acting out this way.  Be careful.

Good luck and God bless.