Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Why does my child hug us every 20 minutes??

I have a 8 year old who my husband obtained custody at 1.5years, but the child did not officially move in until he was 3 due to deployments. Since, he has had a stable home, except for the summers when he goes to his biological mothers house for 45 days. She calls maybe once a month for 5-8 minutes to talk to him, so he does not have a tight bond with her. But since the age of 3 he has always been an excessive hugger. This is a typical day. Morning hug, he eats breakfast, hugs, helps out cooking, finishes cooking, hug. Eats, hug... goes upstairs and gets ready to go play, hug. Then comes in for water, hug, gets water, hug. Come in for lunch , hug, eats, hug,. goes outside and plays.. comes in for water, hugs, drinks water, hugs. Goes outside and plays, comes in for dinner, hugs, we watch a show, cuddles/hugs. Then we change a movie hugs, goes to the bathroom hugs (this is also throughout the day when he goes to the bathroom). we tell him to go get ready for bed, hugs, gets ready for bed, hugs, gets water, hugs, and then goes to bed (probably about 4 hugs in the night intervals. .... i dont want to sound like a bad parent for saying, its becoming overbearing, but two years ago he said he wanted a sibling and we had a son, he is now 1.5 yrs. They love each other and hug eachother all the time, but his hugging has not decreased and it seems he still lacks emotional satisfaction, even my 1 year old doesn't hug me as much, his hugging habits have been the same for 5 years, but it's just getting more difficult to maintenance them when the hugs are coming in the middle of cooking/laundry/feeding the baby/running errands/shopping etc.... its like he feels he needs to get a certain number in during the day... and with me getting a job, it gets bulked in into a 5 hour period, it seems easier on the weekends when the hugs can be spaced out throughout the day..... during the week though it does get burdensome... We are looking into play therapy but i feel like i might be overreacting, and maybe i am the issue?? I dont know if this is normal? my 1 year old doesn't do it, but they have different personalities so i am not sure if its linked to a specific personality? any advice is welcomed....
3 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
134578 tn?1693250592
The other question I would have is, how is your relationship with your husband?  If the child sees you two arguing, he might be hugging as a way of trying to keep things together and happy so his own life won't fall apart (again).
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1693250592
It sounds anxiety driven to me, too, or some light touch of OCD-type activity (like when people wash their hands a lot).  Possibly play therapy would be good, or just you and/or his dad could talk to a children's therapist about what is happening and get advice.  Reassurance will probably help your son.  My son likes to stick his fingers in my underarm if I'm wearing a short-sleeved shirt -- if he sees me in one he explains he simply "has" to do it, like a minor compulsion.  He's been able to control it because I've asked him to and finally shown annoyance about it, but if it were hugging, I would be hesitant to ask him to stop or to act annoyed about it.  So see what the therapist says.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
This young child has had a very unstable upbringing even with your wonderful rescue of his life!!  This makes him feel insecure as well as thankful.  Those hugs are checking in with you that all is fine.  

I think this is psychological in nature and possibly related to some inner anxiety.  Down the road (not now), he may need some therapy to help him talk through some very deeply buried emotions.  good luck
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Child Behavior Community

Top Children's Health Answerers
189897 tn?1441126518
San Pedro, CA
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Is a gluten-free diet right for you?
We answer your top questions about the flu vaccine.
Learn which over-the-counter medicines are safe for you and your baby
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
Healing home remedies for common ailments