Why is my 6 year old so mad all the time?

So my son is 6 and he can be the absolute sweetests kid ever, but most of the time, he literally stresses me out due to his behavior. He interupts any conversation or physical contact I have with my husband, he says "NO" a lot, he never wants to go to bed, he never wants to eat or try new things,he has gotten in trouble at school a couple time now from being loud or figting in the bathroom, he wont tell me how he feels or why....and so on....                       Once I punish him for his behavior he cries a lot and then he is calm, for a little bit. I just don't know what to do? I have tried reading with him,playing a game with him,drawing with him....everything. He is an only child, but I really try to give him SO much attention and love, and the way he acts, you would think I lock him in his room all day everyday?        Also, he is REALLY smart here at home when we do homework, but the teacher is telling me he is behind? He literally does all his homework correctly before I can even try to help him? How is he a genius here and bottom of the class at school? Anyway, I need some advice, I am so stressed out over him, I just can't figure it out on my own.

[specialmom]

Hi.  I'm the mom of a 7 year old and a 5 year old-------- both boys.  Sometimes it feels like a puzzle trying to figure them out, doesn't it?  

There is a parenting program that I really like and our school system endorses.  It is called "love and logic". The book is of the same name and is by James and Charles Fey.  It is excellent and goes through natural consequences.  The consequences are the teacher so you are not the bad guy.  This would come into play for things like telling you no.

However, taking what you wrote above and some phrases from it, I am going to suggest you look up sensory integration disorder.  Google it and read about it.  Things can be subtle when a child is having issues with sensory issues but they are real.  And knowing that can help you change the dynamics of what is going on with a kid.  

The difference in school verses home can be that your child is overstimulated in the classroom.  The other kids, the noise, the over head light, the things on the wall, the time pressure, etc. can all overwhelm his nervous system so that he has a harder time thinking, being organized, listening or carrying out a task.  My son has sensory integration disorder and is/was a completely different kid in the classroom verses at home.  School was much more difficult for him.  My son is extremely smart so I knew that this was not the problem.  Now your boy may have some attitude issues (and love and logic would work nicely for that)-------- but it might be something more.  

Eating issues are often sensory related.  Lots of kids are picky eaters but  most start to outgrow it by 6ish.  Texture, smell and motor planning issues can all make for a picky sensory eater.  Not hearing how loud their own voice is a common sensory problem.  Auditory issues can be at play there (another reason why a classroom would be different than at home).  Social problems are a hallmark sign of sensory issues.

So google it and let me know what you think.  We've done some things that have been really effective for my boy and I'm so happy to share them.  Let me know what you think when you google it and remember that a sensory kid can change from day to day and can be mild to moderate to severe on the scale of how things effect them.  again, let me know what you think and we'll go from there.