My 9-year-old daughter has recently begun crying for no apparent reason. She cries when I take her to get on the school bus, cries when/if I take her school (after I leave), and tonight she cried when I took her to a church service geared for children here age, even though there were plenty of children there she knows. (She seemed fine up until I turned to leave the building). This has not happened in the past, and has only recently begun in the past few weeks. Nothing out of the ordinary has occured; there has been nothing new in (or out of her life). Please help! Neither she or I know what is causing this.
Anything happening at school ? any problem with friends, it has to be connected as she is okay until you leave the building, definatly check out anything that can be going on, ask her teacher,if she was afraid she may not tell you the truth.Something is upsetting her, does she visit anyone at the weekends ?
Hello Lani, Bless Her Little Heart. I agree with Marg on this. There is definitely something going on some where that is causing her to behave this way. Getting the details and finding the person or persons responsible is the difficult part. Has any of her friends had a parent die recently?
If not I suspect she is most likely a victim of bullying? Does she have internet access, where she can receive messages from kids at school etc while at home? Is she on Face Book etc.? Does she have a cell phone, if so does she have texting on her phone?
You said she knows a lot of kids at church, does she know them only from church or are they her school class mates as well? Bullying is a very real traumatic experience for the child being bullied, they become fearful, feel alone, inferior, worthless, helpless and depressed. Rumors begin to circulate or threats of harm are made to the child, and the child tries to avoid contact, and hopes by avoiding the responsible party or parties, it will go away on it's own, but it continues to worsen.
The child becomes apprehensive, nervous, tearful, and scared sometimes to the point of making themselves physically ill or worse, when they are forced back into the situation time and time again that they are trying to avoid. The worse part of it is they are usually afraid to TELL because they fear that by telling it will only make matters worse, but their actions speak volumes. They usually try to handle the already out of control situation alone, making their depression and helplessness become unbearable for them.
You are her SAFE PLACE, and she is telling you there is a problem, but just not telling you what the problem is. You can guarantee she does know what it is, but is scared to say. You can almost bet there is common denominator between school, and church. There is most likely one or more children from school that attends the same church, or there is an adult person from school that attends that church that has injured or threatened your child in some way.
I recommend again trying to get her to tell you what is going on, and if she still won't, or insists she doesn't know. I recommend logging online under her screen name if she has one and pretending to be her, so you can receive the messages being sent to or about her. Also reviewing all aspects of her emails, face book, text messages, online chats or games, etc. and checking her notebooks and folders from school, her dresser drawers, shoe boxes, etc. to see if you can find the evidence of who has caused your little precious 9 year old girl to be so afraid.
I Hope This Helps Hun. Good Luck and God Bless You Both. Please keep us posted if possible.
Thank you all! I appreciate your kind words, and your willingness to help on this matter more than words can describe.
I have talked to her extensively on this subject.She says she just doesn't like being away from me.
Her brother (who has been diagnosed recently with major depressive disorder) has recently touched her where he shouldn't. I was in class at the time, so my mother was watching the kids. My daughter told my mother, who proceeded to yell at my daughter, as well as throw a vase towards her (on the floor).
I wonder if the problem is my mother, she lets my son get away with anything and everything, but my daughter is blamed for every little thing.
As far as school goes, my daughter says she doesn't have many friends, and kids are mean. The church was filled with children she goes to school with.
She does have a cell phone, for texts only, mostly to keep in contact with me. It is closely monitored, as well as her online activities.
I am so sorry ,this is of course the reason that your daughter is so upset, and you have to protect her, I wouldnt keep her from your mom but I would definatly speak very firmly to hyour mom and maybe be around when the children visit with her .May I ask how old is her brother, as you may need to address his behavior with him I assume you are already getting some expert for him help regarding the abuse .Whatever happened it is you who has to protect her,the crying is from the trauma, as I say I think you need some expert help maybe therapy to help her. Good Luck it is a tough one but your daughter comes first whatever it takes .
I completely agree with Marg this is exactly what the problem is. She was violated and when she told your mother like she probably has always been told to do when someone does that she was punished. Poor little thing. I would talk to you mother and if she doesn't see what she has done she shouldn't be watching them.. That behavior and response is completely unacceptable. Have you talked to your son? Do you think that he has done this more then one time?
OH Lani. I am so sorry, you have several very touchy and difficult situations on your hands, that needs to be dealt with immediately. With these new details that weren't in your original post my views on WHY have changed. My suggestions and thoughts on these matters are: Yes, I think your Mom is a large contributor to your daughter's problems but is not the only factor involved in her fear. It is so very sad that your daughter has had to endure being inappropriately touched by her brother, then scolded, and had a vase thrown towards her by an adult who should have been protecting her. No wonder the little thing is scared to leave your side, she feels she can't trust ANYONE but you.
The most important thing is to not allow her or her brother to be unsupervised, where the touching can possible occur again or something worse happen. It has to be so difficult on your daughter knowing she is not going to be fairly treated when she goes to her grandmother's house. Have you discussed the blaming the daughter, yelling and throwing things, partiality for the brother, and allowing him to get away with everything issues with your Mom?
If they can not be treated equal, watched closely at all times, and appropriately disciplined by your mother (which doesn't include flying vases), or not acknowledging the severity of what has already occurred. I'm sorry to say that unfortunately, it sounds as though your mother is not going to be an appropriate babysitter or advocate for EITHER child.
She is placing your daughter in some very dangerous situations by her brother, and herself. The brother with the new diagnoses of major depressive disorder requires constant supervision because with the diagnoses, and most likely new medications he could start displaying suicidal or violent tendencies, in addition to the inappropriate touching-(which I don't believe is related to his diagnoses) and he should not be allowed to be getting away with everything anyway. Children need boundaries, and ramifications for their actions. Is there someone else who can watch them, or at least your daughter, when you are away?
Have you discussed whether the touching has happened any other times other than the one time you know about with her? Have you discussed the inappropriate touching with her brother? Why does she say the kids at school/church are mean? What have they done to make her feel this way about them?
I hope these suggestions help you make some very difficult decisions regarding both child's welfare. Good Luck and God Bless Brenda
I found your article very interesting as i am going through this with my 9yr old daughter. I lost my mum only a few weeks ago but my daughter keeps telling me this is not the reason why she is so upset and same thing, she doesnt like leaving me, especially to go to school.
I keep reassuing her that everything is ok and i hide my sadness from her because i dont want her feeling worse than she already is.
I have constantly been asking her questions and she always replies " i hate leaving you ".
I had someone mention that it could be her hormones starting to kick in ???
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