Why is my son behaves so bad at school/daycare but so good at home

[naadhir]

My son is 5years old and only child. He hits other kids and behaves very bad at daycare and school but he blames other kids. Says he hit them because they worry and wont listen to him. Sometimes he has fights where other kids gets hurt. Infect I got advice from a child psychology and practice as advised by the doctor, but nothing seems to be improved.
Also he talks too much at school and disturbers other kids and also misses his studies as well. Teacher wanted me to talk to him and advice him for his behavior, all he says is I will not do that again but next day he keeps doing the same thing.
Also once there was an incident where he hit a child on the head and that child got fever as well and the daycare is refusing to keep him.
Most of the days at daycare he gets time out, and been kept out of other kids as well. Me and my husband have spoken to him very nicely but nothing improved and then we had to hit him as well. But nothings seems to change him. All he does is apologies at the moment and keeps repeating the same. Pls advice me what I should do??

[Sandman2]

    I think that Mark missed that your son was also in school.  I assume kindergarten.  I can tell you that as a retired elementary school principal, I would never let my teachers tell a parent to discipline a child at home for what happened at school.  Matter of fact, I would not let them do that in first or second grade either.  It breaks all the "immediate" consequences rules.  I would tell them to give the parents skills that they can teach their children which would carry over to school.  But discipline must always be immediate at this age.  
   What does worry me is that this is happening in three different areas.  And that does worry me!   I would certainly check out SPD as specialmom suggested and I would also look into ADHD, as he has many of the symptoms. Try this site  - http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/what/WWK1.
   In terms of helping him at home to gain skills that will help him at school and day care, you might want to look into buying books like this - http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775
    and there are several more listed that also will be helpful.
    But all in all,  the fact that this is happening at home, in school, and at daycare suggests that he has a problem which normal discipline will not help.  Do check out the sites specialmom and I suggested, and then get back to us so we can suggest what to do next.
    

[specialmom]

Hi there.  My son had an awful time at that age as well and it was at school and not at home.  For him, he was having sensory issues and it created a 'fight or flight' response for him.  Discipline would not have worked had we not uncovered why he was acting out.  

Once we began addressing his sensory system and nervous system issues, things dramatically improved.

I encourage you to look deeper as to what is going on.  

By the way, it is known that with young kids such as this, disciplining at home rarely works.  Discipline must be immediate to have an effect.  

Now, I'd really encourage you to look into sensory and a good web site is 'sensory processing disorder'.  Google that and an excellent website called SPD will come up.  Great information there and you can see if any of it applies to your child.

I also found working on my son's play skills and social skills greatly helped him with peers.  When you have kids over and you are there, how does he do?

How is your son's speech and fine motor?  

We overcame what you describe in our son not by discipline but by giving him what he needed to be more comfortable at school.  let me know what you think of the sensory site or if you need any help with anger management techniques to teach him.  good luck

[MarkLakewood3367]

Talking to your son about his behaviors and is not discipline.  It is obvious that your son requires discipline.  By your post, you do not mention discipline imposed other than what the school is doing.  It is important that your son be disciplined or rewarded each day at home daily for his behavior in day care.  Likewise, it is important that you work with the daycare teacher in terms of providing you with a daily report on your son's behavior.  The discipline and reward need to be implemented each day.  Waiting a couple of days to a week to impose the discipline will be ineffective.

I would not count on the discipline your son receives in day care to be effective.  That is why parents must pick up the slack by disciplining their children at home for negative school behavior.