Witts end with teenager

Hello there everyone!!  I don't know if this is the right place for me to get help, but I am going to give it a shot!  I have a teenager, 16 to be exact, & I am having problems so bad with him.  I may be over reacting here, but I don't think so.  He just started his first job, so I am hoping that things will change real soon, but so far it isn 't happening!!  Here is my story....I am a single mom of two kids,  *16 & 4 years old*,  my oldest one's dad is some what in the picture, he lives quite a few hours away so it's not like he is in the picture all the time, just when ever I guess.  So anyways, my son in the past few years has been caught a few times at school smoking, almost got kicked out for the rest of the year, he hasn't been into  any serious trouble with the law or nothing like that.  I HAVE busted him myself once using drugs & two times drinking.   I don't think he is as bad as other kids his age, like me for that matter at his age.  But I think that if I don't get a handle on this RIGHT NOW, I am going to have serious problems before he is 18 & on his own.   I get so mad at him for not listening to me, he thinks that he can do what he wants when he wants.  I call him on his celphone & tell him to get home at times, and it's like he doesn't care what I say, I have threatened to ship him off to bootcamp or somthing & he never takes me serious.  There was one time that he did get involved with the law & they told him they would ship him off right now.......... he was scared BAD, but then a few weeks later, it was back to the same old ****.   There is more that I can go on & on here, I just want to know if anyone has any suggestions for me, I am at my witts end here!!!  Please help!!

[LRM1021]

I think teenage boys are trouble - period:) Having said that, it sounds like he needs a strong, positive male role model - someone who is NOT his parent. Maybe there is a concerned teacher, or counselor, or religious leader that can talk with him about the path he is choosing, and offer him some guidance, advice, counsel, and friendship-- that cannot be viewed as "parental." Teenagers have to go through the process of separating from their parents-- not listening, disobeying, etc. But its also important that this process does not put them in any danger-- and that's where I think outside intervention can really help. A teenager probably has an easier time taking the advice of someone who is not a parent, because the whole thing they are supposed to be doing is separating from their parents!! Anyway, I have seen this work out positively in other cases.