Worried about my 3 year old niece being sexually abused

Hi, I have been taking care of my niece (actually my ex-brother in laws daughter with his new wife)since she was 4 months old and have grown very close to her. They moved next door when she was about 1 1/2 years old. She comes over everyday and goes everywhere with us. She has been calling me mom ever since she was able to talk. I am Auntie mom mom. Anyway, she has been complaining for 1 year about being sore around her vagina. When I give her a diaper change she ALWAYS say's be careful, be careful. When you clean her in the shower it's the same. Sometimes when she is outside running around she will complain that it hurts and stings. I at that time will bring her in and clean her up. I had her at the doctors for a check-up about 7 months ago and brought it to the Doctors attention and requested a urine sample. It came back fine. No internal examine was done at that time. I mention it to her mother at least once week and NOTHING has been done! Now 3 days ago when I went to change her she said please don't hurt me, be careful, be careful. I at that time asked her if someone touched her their and she said yes, Devon (her 7 year old brother) stuck a pickle in there. I asked her if Gavin (her other brother) had touched her there and she said no just Devon. I was so surprised I didn't know what to do but call my husband. When on the phone with him she said he stuck it in her butt also. When her mother came to pick her up that night I sat down and told her everything.(I choose not to do it in front of dad because of his temper and what he might do to Devon). We discussed how she is always red down there. I am having a hard time potty training her also. She says she wants to be a baby. Her speech is not at a three year old level but more like a 2 year old level. She will be 4 in July. The next day at her diaper change she told me and showed me what Devon does with his fingers and put them near her vagina. Now it's two day's later and the mother finally is telling the dad (the two brothers came to my house to be safe just in case dad lost his temper). She came over about 10 minutes later and said everything is fine that Dad said Devon would NEVER do that and he does not believe Gianna (he thinks she is making it up because she doesn't like Devon. I am so upset because it's not the first time my 7 year old nephew has done something bad. About 6 months ago he held a knife to his brother and friends throat and said he would kill them if they didn't quit making fun of him. Nothing was ever done about that except not being able to play video games because they felt that's the reason he did that, but instead they were bought guns for christmas. About 8 months before that he stepped on one of our pet toads outside and laughed when all of it's insides came out. Nothing was done for this either. I am so upset right now! It's all about not looking bad to other people and afraid of what's going to happen if they take her to the doctor to be examined. I feel my niece is not being protecetd like she should be. How would she know this kind of behavior unless it was being showed to her? Should I take her to the Doctors? I'm afraid if I make that kind of move I will have no contact with her and things will get worse. Doing nothing is equally as bad! Can you please help me?

[Cleveland Mom]

You need to contact Child Protective Services (CPS) regarding the concerns that your niece is being sexually abused.  As the source of this report, you will be anonymous meaning the CPS agency cannot identify you as the reporter.  CPS will investigate this family and likely have Gianna examined regarding the allegations by a specialist in sexual abuse of children.

This familly is clearly in crisis as evidenced by the behavior of the son, Devon.  They seem to be unwilling or unable to address his violent behavior and alleged sexual abuse of Gianna in even any kind of appropriate manner.  No child should be allowed to be sexually abused and Gianna is very vulnerable because of her young age and the lack of competence of her parents.  Devon needs help now due to his violent behavior and these allegations of sexual abuse of his sister.  Please stand up for this child.

[koukla29]

Call DCF.  There are abuse hotlines for each state, and I am sure you can easily find the number.  More should be done for this little girl than what these parents are doing.  This child needs to see a doctor and she needs to be protected.  The 7 year old needs to be held accountable for his actions, and he needs to be seen by a therapist.  Also, you have no idea where the 7 year old would have learned this type of behavior - could someone be abusing him?  

You could take her to the doctor because she is obviously very irritated in her vaginal area.  Doctors are mandated child abuse reporters, and he/she will pick up the phone and make the report.  

You are doing the right thing.  Your niece needs you to be her advocate in this situation, and regardless of how the parents feel about this, you are putting her safety first.  She needs you right now.  Good luck!

[socgirl]

I agree with the other posters....you need to contact child protective services.  It's highly unlikely your niece is capable of making that story up, seeing as she is only 3 yrs. old.  i'm a child/family therapist and have worked with victims of sexual abuse many times.  More than likely, someone has also abused her older brother and it's quite possible he is still being abused.  He's only 7, he learned it from someone.  I'm in no way implying that your ex-brother in law or his wife is responsible for that...it could be anyone that devon has had contact with.

I know the parents in this case don't want to hear what's going on and they seem to be in denial...if you talk to them again about this, maybe point out that someone may also be hurting devon and as parents, wouldn't they want to know who is doing this?

You're in a tough position and there's no easy way out of this, but if you really care about your niece, this needs to be reported.  Like the other posters said, your call to CYS can be anonymous.  Good luck with everything and let us know how things turn out.

[JOOLEY]

Thank-You for all your support and help! It has been a VERY difficult week. I approached the mother yesterday and asked if she had taken my niece to the Dr. office yet and she said no.( I have not taken care of her since Tuesday) Well, I ended up giving her an earful! I keep getting the tomorrow story. My husband and myself are DISGUSTED by BOTH parents actions and have decided at this point if things are not taken care of we will take the next step including ending our friendship! My main intrest is in BOTH of the children and getting them the help they need and deserve! Thank-You again everyone.

[peekawho]

But did you call CPS?  This child needs help, as does the 7 year old.

Call.  It's your responsibility.  

[JOOLEY]

Hi again, Well we just sat down the four of us to talk about the situation and they called the doctors on Friday to try and have her checked out and CPS was called on them. They showed up at the house and talked to everyone including my little niece. I live next door so I did see them there. I'm being told that the person that checked out the kids and talked to them told them that he didn't think that there was a problem that he had been doing this for a long time and he could not see anything to lead him to believe that she was being sexually abused. I don't know how all of you feel about this but I'm still thinking there is a serious problem here. Why would my niece be saying all this?  I guess this week I will know more. Thanks for all your help and support.  

[Pam]

I suggest the family schedule an appointment with her Pediatrician - explain EVERYTHING to the Pediatrician and then let the Pediatrician examine the little girl.  If the Pediatrician believes that the child has been assaulted, he or she is required by law to report the case to DCF - or other local child protective services.

Pam

[cuddles007]

You should definetly try and convince your friends to bring the little girl to a ped. Children will not say anything to and outsider that could get thier family in trouble and at this point they know that Devon touching your niece is wrong. Violent behaviour like what Devon is doing is indicative of sexual abuse as well. Boys that have been abused also tend to like fire and burning things, does Devon also do this kind of stuff? I would try to convince the parents to at least bring him to a psycologist for his violent behaviour. An older kid or babysitter or someone could be hurting this boy and in turn he will sexually abuse other kids not knowing that it is wrong.

[msalexismiller]

Hey Jooley, I just want to say that I have a neice that same age and the same similar incident happened to her. cps was called several times but nothing was done. The advice I can give to you is keep your neice with you as much as possible like thats your own child! since the parents arent smart enough or just really dont care enough, you have to be the smart one and take over. have her with you 24/7 (when possible) like your own child. thats what I have to do with my neice. and you should let the 7 year old know that your very much aware of whats going on and your not tolarating it. okay good luck!!