Worried about my 5 year old's behavior.

[anyadvise]

Please can any one give me any advise about what to do with my 5 year old.  First let me explain some of his behavior with you.  He is extremely smart and polite.  His teacher are amazed at how he uses his manners.  He is very affectionate and likes to hug and cuddle.  He has a severe language delay and is in speech therapy 2 times a week.  He also is starting to show signs of sensory intregation for example his ears are very sensitive and when he was a baby he would cover his ears if he heard a loud noise or when we would sing happy birthday at a party.  He has no interest in playing with other children, but he will play with his sister every so often.  He cannot stick to a task and has a very hard time paying attention to any thing.  During meal times I have to tell him to sit down easily 20 times.  He can however, sit and play the computer or his video games for hours.  He loves to play wrestling and boxing with his dad.  He seems to whine a lot for a 5 y/o and I am starting to get frustrated.  He can not even get himself dressed without many and I mean many reminders.  I have had him to see a nurologist and a child developmental specialist and was not happy with either one.  The neuologist said that he wanted to run some more tests and maybe medicated which I don't want to do at this age and the developmental specialist told me that he just had a speech delay and that was all.  I know in my gut something is off here.  It seems that no body wants to lable him.  Can you tell me which direction I should go in.  I want to catch this now so that I can help him.

Thank you,

Anyadvise

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your concern about sensory integration dyfunctioncan be addressed by an Occupational Therapist. While this is probably not a major issue, you'll rest more easily if you go ahead with an evaluation. It's important to remember that your son is only five. Five-year-olds require prompts to follow through on many things - that's not unusual. The fact that your son is able to attend to games is not surprising. Even children who display attentional problems can do fine under conditions of high motivation. It would have been sensible to complete the evaluation by the neurologist, and to receive his recommendations. Even if the recommendation included medication, at least you would have the benefit of the feedback to consider. It sounds like you've decided that something is the matter, and reassurance won't set well with you because you think professionals don't want to label your son, as you put it. Perhpas you are making assumptions that really are not warranted.

[kiralek]

I am a grandmother and have tried every way I can think of to develop a relationship with my 5 year old granddaughter. But, she is so attached to her mother, she wants very little to do with me. I live in another state (5 hours away) and when I go to visit her, she is friendly for the first hour or so, then practically ignors me the rest of the time I am there. She has slammed doors in my face, grabbed things out of my hands, made faces at me and sometimes even refuses to talk to me or answer my questions. She just looks the other way or actually walks away. One time, when I came to pick her up from school, she was so disappointed that her mother didn't pick her up that she wouldn't speak to me the whole time we waited for her brother. She wouldn't smile or look at me, but as the kids came out of school and when her brother arrived, she was very friendly and talkative to everyone except me. She deliberately snubbed me. She doesn't want to spend the night with me in either a hotel or in my home. Her mother says I have to meet her on her own terms. She also said most 5 year olds don't want to stay with their grandmothers. Is this normal behavior for a 5 year old?

[kiralek]

I am a grandmother and have tried every way I can think of to develop a relationship with my 5 year old granddaughter. But, she is so attached to her mother, she wants very little to do with me. I live in another state (5 hours away) and when I go to visit her, she is friendly for the first hour or so, then practically ignors me the rest of the time I am there. She has slammed doors in my face, grabbed things out of my hands, made faces at me and sometimes even refuses to talk to me or answer my questions. She just looks the other way or actually walks away. One time, when I came to pick her up from school, she was so disappointed that her mother didn't pick her up that she wouldn't speak to me the whole time we waited for her brother. She wouldn't smile or look at me, but as the kids came out of school and when her brother arrived, she was very friendly and talkative to everyone except me. She deliberately snubbed me. She doesn't want to spend the night with me in either a hotel or in my home. Her mother says I have to meet her on her own terms. She also said most 5 year olds don't want to stay with their grandmothers. Is this normal behavior for a 5 year old?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Her behavior is very understandable. She does not have an ongoing relationship with you, and it is important for you to be sensitive to this. Simply because you are her grandmother does not translate into a relationship. Now, if you lived nearby and could see her with some frequency, I imagine you would have a very different experience. Try not to take this situation personally. It is a manifestation of the absence of ongoing, reguar contact, which is how most relationships are cultivated.

[kris500]

A related discussion, in response to grandmother issue with granddaughter was started.

[mimi325]

A related discussion, discipliine was started.