Young Child Behavioral Issue

[cnadianinmo]

My concern is with my domestic partner's son.  He is 4 years old and we're having behavioral problems that are getting a little out of control.  His son is displaying anger towards other children, battened defiance, not listening to what is asked of him and lack of respect for his care givers at daycare as well as myself (we're all women).  We discovered that he was molested by a peer at a previous daycare, so we've moved him to another.  He has tried to french kiss his 11 year old cousin and feel her breasts by sticking his hand up her shirt.  He has climbed ontop of my 8 year old daughter's friend while she was spending the night.  When his Dad approached him with questions as to why he did it or where he learned it from, he says that he has heard his mother with her boyfriend and he sits outside her door and cries.  She states that she had no idea!  Just the other night I walked in on him stroking his penis with a stuffed teddy in his underwear.  His father wasn't sure of what to say or do... hence my reaching out to you.  We are very concerned and looking for guidance.  We know that the molestation is an issue, we're getting him into counceling for that, however, is the other behavior associated with this trama?  Or is it typical 4 year old behavior?  Any assistance would be greatly appreciated!

Thank-you for your time.

[cnadianinmo]

I believe that you are correct in what you're stating.  I am aware of the need for professional help, we're actually working on that.  I was concerned about the behavior because he's been victimized, which in turn made his 11 yr old cousin a victim as well.

My boy friend and I have discussed in great length the problems that we're having with his mother.  I believe that a lot of the problem is also is inconsistancy by both parents.  I know that my conversations with his father have been very positive and if it's up to US to make sure that he's taken care of emotionally and physically, then that's what we'll have to do.

I appreciate your guidance and support.

[supermomma531]

I agree with megochick. She has the right ideas how to handle this issue. Please let us know what happened. We re all here to support you.

[megochick101]

it could very well be associated with the molestation, or it could just be normal 4 year old behavior(sorry not much help there). have you sat down and tried talking to him about what happened at the other daycare and telling him it's not his fault, and that touching other children in that way is not ok. The counseling should help him with that behavior though.

Frankly I do not believe that his mother couldn't hear him cry right outside her door! My son is three rooms away from our room and if he's crying in his room i can hear it, so to say you can't hear a child right outside your bedroom crying is bs imo. Did this happen during the night or was it during the day? I'm asking because if he was supposed to be asleep I could understand how this was going on with him outside(without the cries of course) but in the middle of the day I would be worried that his mom seems to be "playing around" with her boyfriend and not watching the child.

As to his other behavioral problems the only thing i can suggest is using a reward system. For example: he hits another child. You explain to him that hitting is a bad thing to do and if he does it again he won't be able to play with a certain toy(or whatever) then if he does it again take that toy away for a day. if he continues to do the same thing take the toy away for another day every time he repeats the behavior. or if he does another bad behavior all together take a different toy away. This has helped me a lot with my 2 1/2 yo so I hope it may help you out.

Sorry i wrote a book lol :)