a comment under teenage girls attitude toward mom-she is 14

written in detail under comments about TEENAGER, but briefly, her attitude is often hostile to me, not her father, because he is not the limit setter, and has always been passive in the children's relationships, or sort of a "buddy", it's always, ask mom, so I end up being the bad guy, because I am strict on knowing where she is all the time, and having adult supervision, and trying to not get involved with promiscuous behavior, as she is very social and outgoing, and appears somewhat older than her age.  She always seems to have to be "in love", I sometimes wonder if it is because her dad never has any in depth discussions with anyone, only on a factual basis, so sometimes I over react when I feel no support of the other person who is supposed to be the other parent.  She is adopted, and when angry at me, says I'm not her mother, and lately will sometimes write hateful notes to me..used to be she did the opposite when younger.  Any help appreciated.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Deane,

It's certainly not unusual for a fourteen-year-old to react negatively when limits are set by parents. However, it sure sounds like your situation is complicated by the stress that occurs in relation to the behaviors you and your husband demonstrate toward your daughter. As I'm sure you know, the tasks of parenting will be accomplished better if parents are on the same wavelength and support each other's efforts. Maybe it would be worthwhile for you and your husband to meet several times with a counselor to try to make some progress on this issue.

[stepdad1]

A related discussion, when is enough, enough? was started.

[stepdad1]

A related discussion, Problem teenage Girl was started.