a constant battle

Question

My fiance has two kids a 4yr old girl and a 3yr old boy. everyday is a constant battle for control neither 1 of them really listen to me because I'm not there mom I try to discipline them what time outs but then they just shut down and will scream and cry without stopping to listen
Any sugestions

specialmom · Answer

another good place to look for things to pass the time with young kiddos is your local library.  Ours has story time and movement classes and most libraries run programs that are free for kids.  So, check to see what yours offers.

good luck

zoeytrent · Answer

Thank you so much for all your ideas. Im going to give it a try.

specialmom · Answer

Try never to yell at them (push tongue to roof of mouth) and stay calm.  Always follow through with what you say.  Also, mothers helpers are awesome.  This is a young person maybe 11 to 13 that comes over after school for one to two hours to PLAY with the kids while you are home and you pay them 2 to 3 dollars since it isn't real babysitting.  Try to meet moms to hang with too.  Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) is a great organization for hooking up parents of young kids that is a national thing.  google for one in your area.  good luck

specialmom · Answer

I am so sorry for all these posts, I can only write in small increments for it to post. Anyway, time out didn't work for my kids great either. I had better luck with taking something away that they loved. My one son was attached to his blankie. So, I would take it (only for a short time) and I tell ya, I only had to do that a couple of times so that when I threatened it--- he knew I meant business and would comply. Also, choices!! You control the choices but give them lots of them. Kids comply better when they feel they have a choice.

specialmom · Answer

Cont.  If it is cold where you are at, look for indoor opportunities.  We joined the museum center in our city when my kids were that age.  So worth the money because they had a children's area in the basement that we could go to for hours and they'd play and play including in a climbing area.  (remember the goal---  get them tired).  You could look into a preschool if you are a stay at home mom and you don't want to do daycare.  There are lots of half day programs out there.  My boys loved preschool.

specialmom · Answer

Cont.  What I did at that age is had a schedule for the kids.  I kept us busy and very very active.  My theory was to run off that energy so that when we were at home, they were too tired to have bad behavior.  :>)  Going to parks was a favorite of mine.  yes, it is a bit hard as they might run in different directions but you lay a couple of ground rules.  You must be where I can SEE you.  If you break the rule, we have to leave the park.  Then you play games with them like chase (you don't have to run fast . . .  it is more about pretending you are after them), hide and seek (and you can take as LONG as you want to to seek!!  (good for sitting for a minute)

specialmom · Answer

Hi there!  Well, I am the mom of two kids that are 15 months apart and I remember when they were 3 and 4.  Wowie, it was HARD!!  I wanted to pull my hair out some days.  3 and 4 year olds alone are not known for always having charming behavior and put them together in close quarters, ouch,.  So, just know that this is not unusual for that age range.

RockRose · Answer

It sounds like you really need parenting classes,  and maybe a counselor to look at family dynamic and help you learn how to take control.

With a baby on the way,  you need to somehow get a hold of this problem.

AnnieBrooke · Answer

Why are you the disciplining party, are you left with these two kids during the day without the fiance there?

I would suggest that the kids go to daycare, where there are different groups for three-year-olds and four-year-olds and they are not put in with their siblings.  

You're either the fiance (in which you don't have that much right to discipline, it has to come from their parent) or the babysitter, in which case you ironically do have a little more right to exert a set of rules, but if you are being used as the babysitter just because you are the fiance, you're not in a good position.  Even when you become a stepparent and not just a fiance, your role is to back up the parent when the parent disciplines, not be the disciplinarian yourself.  I know it seems a little strange, but that is one of the peculiarities of being a stepparent.  All of your power base comes from influencing things, not  directly controlling them, when it comes to your stepkids.