a new bedtime fear

[jlmfbm]

Our 6 year old visits her father for two days a week. During a recent visit, they discovered a hole in her bedroom wall and her father told her that there was a mouse in the wall. Ever since then, she has been afraid to go to bed at night, even in our home and we have never had a mouse problem. At bedtime she asks that we sit in her room with her until she falls asleep and we have been doing that and it seems to help. She repeatedly checks to be sure we are still there. She lays awake frightened by and listening to every sound made by the house, weather, birds, anything.We constantly assure her that she is safe and the sounds she hears are normall and not threatening but it does not seem to reasure her. We talk about it during the day as well when she is not frightened. She has said several times that she does not want to sleep at her fathers house for awhile but when she gets there he convinces her to stay. He has even let her sleep in his bed once so far. We are concerned that he is setting up a very bad precident that may be difficult to break. This fear has gone on for about three weeks now. How can we break this cycle? Should we continue to sit with her at night or are we reenforcing her fears. It does seem to help.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The fear itself will likely wane over time, provided it is dealt with in a casual, somewhat off-hand matter which does not dismiss it but at the same time does not encourage it. The problem, as your note suggests, with sitting with her at night is that she may become dependent on this, and it may be difficult to wean her from the practice. It would be reasonable to 'check in' with her periodically, and then gradually lengthen the times between check-ins. At her dad's, if you are able to influence him, it would be bettr that she not joing him in bed. He can repair the hole, and that may reassure your daughter. You want to walk that fine line that involves being understanding and sensitive without being dismissive and insensitive.