anger at parent

My 7 year old son seems to be very angry with me.  I have been divorced since my son was a year old and he see's his father on a semi regular basis (a few hours a week).  Lately he has had outbursts of anger directed at me.  He says things like "I'm not going and you can't make me".  Everything I do seems to set him off.  He says that I don't even like him and he wishes that he didn't even live here. At other times he is very sweet and loving.  I have tried sending him to his room, and sometimes I break down and yell back at him.  What seems to work the best is ignoring him, but that is hard to do when he is kicking things around and slamming doors.  It usually takes him a while to calm down, but then he seems to be fine.  He is talking to a social worker at school who doesn't see any problems.  My son does fine in school...it just seems to be me that he is angry with.  He had a few visits with a psycologist last summer who said she thought he was strong willed and just needed some consistancy.  What is the best way to handle these fits of rage?  I also have a daughter who is 11 months older and I feel like we are walking on eggshells to avoid his anger.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

As you already know, reacting in like fashion to your son's anger will only exacerbate the situation. A frequent mistake we make as parents is failing to act with equanimity when our children are angry. To be aangry in return only adds fuel to the fire.

Now, if these eruptions of anger are of recent origin, and not a chronic pattern, it may well be that recent developments with his father are at the root of them and require some clarification. Your son may be troubled at the contact and holding you responsible for sending him. Try to figure this out a bit, and see if there's anything there. You can mention to your son that at times lately he hasn't seemed to want to go with his dad, and are there reasons he can discuss with you.