anger issues in my 5 year old?

I have 3 boys, ages 8, 5(almost 6) and 3. My 5 year old has been acting out and throwing tantrums for way too long now. It has improved over the past year greatly. He used to reallly throw fits when being dropped off at daycare, kicking hitting screaming....until finally I took him out of daycare. There would be multiple fits a week, and anywhere we were. While it is happening less frequently it is still a major concern. He will fight with his brothers, or just start throwing a fit when being told no and sometimes it seems to happen for no reason at all.. He hits, kicks, screams, throws things and whatever else he can do to get his anger out. sometimes it seems as if he cant even help it anymore. His father and I recently have moved back in with each other after being separated since my 5 yr old was 6 mnths old. We do not agree on discipline/punishment. I have tried time outs, spankings, taking away favorite items or special privileges. He thinks spankings are the way to handle these outbursts, but I feel they only make him worse. My child knows his father and I do not agree on this which i know must be playing some part in his acting out.  After his fits, he often is upset and says he doesnt know why he did those things. He sometimes tells me 'mommy i hate myself'. I am very concerned for him and am looking into counseling in my area. I am not sure what brought this behavior on or how to make him feel better since it seems he is very remorseful after a fit and may not be able to control his feelings. As of now, his school work is not affected and his teacher says he is very well behaved and a great student with a great attitude...is this my child? It is the child I remember from a year ago, and he is still very loving and caring when he wants to be.  Any advice is appreciated.


This discussion is related to 4 year old always angry and aggressive.