angry/sad 3 yr old

[jenwitt]

We just started our 3 yr old in pre-school, so this problem is just getting worse.(3 days/week,4hrs/day)  His whole life he has been reserved.  Rather look and watch than play with others.  maybe that is why we waited so long for group interaction.  But the pre-school is suited just for him, Montessouri-which lets him be.  Anyway, he is always sad or angry.  And forever complaining about everything!  Breakfast, the texture of his cup, color of his cup, etc.  He is shy as pre-school, although we've made a point not to let him hear he is 'labeled'.  It is like he is afraid to let himself have fun.  After awhile he lets go and plays.  But always tells me he doesn't like it, yet the workers tell me he had fun.  He really has problems with change. (i.e.- Transition walking in to school, leaving school when I pick him up, asleep-awake) It just doen't seem healthy for him to be so negative all the time.  And it is affecting me hard as well - I try hard to keep a positive environment and it just seems like he's crushing my world.   We also have a 2 yr old and a 9 month old who are just as happy as could be.  Have I done something to make him so sad?  I don't know what to do with him.  I have tried time-outs, and ignoring the behavior when he complains, but it hasn't stopped.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

I'm not sure you need to do anything but patiently listen and carry on with what you are doing. Sometimes you can ask him: "What would help?" "What can you do to make it better?" Kids come into the world with their own temperament, and it does not necessarily mean that anything is wrong, particularly if he's developing OK. It's possible that he's showing the very early signs of a mood disorder, so you have to watch for that as the years go on. But right now there's really nothing to do in that regard. Also, try not to let it get to you - if you do, you're being your own worst enemy. You can't "make" your son be happy. All you can do is try hard to be a good parent.