antisocial toddler within range of normal?

[Kate]

My 2 1/2 year old son has a pretty severe speech delay, he will not say any words of more than one syllable and does not put two words together. Most of what he says is difficult for even me to understand. He has also always been very antisocial. He will not participate in any organized activities, and at day care he goes out to a corner of the play area and lays by himself in the grass for hours. When we go to play group at a local park he sits under a tree 20 yards away. He will go on the play equipment only if there are very few other children on it, and if any children come near him he will start yelling and push them away. If a strange adult looks at him or greets him, he yells "Bye bye!" He also hits his little brother (7 months old) any time I let my guard down for a second. Today he brought a big electronic toy down on his brother's head. He also will knock over a drink on a table just to be annoying. He is not hyperactive and can read books, do puzzles, or watch videos for long periods. Is he destined to be an antisocial adult? Is there anything we should be doing as parents? I've been giving him a little smack on the leg, only when he hits his brother, because if I don't he just laughs as I'm taking him to his room for a brief time-out. However, I don't feel comfortable with the spanking, but I don't know how else to stop him from laughing.
Thank you for any advice, sorry this is long.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Kate,

There's no way to predict what will happen in the years to come. For now, try to focus on the immediate behavior and respond to it in a systematic way.

If your son behaves in an aggressive way, time out is a sound intervention. But he's too young to be sent to his room. Time out for children during their first eight or nine years should occur in an adult-size chair, away from any distractions. Use a timer to track the time out period (a portable oven timer is best). When you put your son in time out, simply say: "No hitting".

Keep exposing him to the company of other childre, one or two at a time. Play situations which require side-by-side type of play, such as on playground equipment or in a sandbox, are best, rather than types which require interaction.

It would be sensible to have your son evaluated by a developmental pediatrician, or other developmental specialist (or team) to gain an understanding of the status of his development in different areas (physical, cognitive, social, emotional, language, speech).

[Kyle's Mom]

Try diet changes first.  Read "Special Diets for Special Kids" by Lisa Lewis.  Try going to drrapp.com, foodallergy.org and greatplainslaboratory.com.

A lot of kids have problems with wheat, dairy, gluten, artificial ingredients, etc. that can affect their behavior.  My 6 yr old ADHD son was having extreme out of control tantrums 2 or 3 times a day that would last for an hour or more.  He would argue about everything, and hit, scratch and spit.  His speech was delayed and he was extremely hyperactive.  We eliminated artificial dyes, flavors, and preservatives from his diet.  I cook from scratch and use no preprocessed foods.  He gets no Kool-Aid, Jell-o, juices with corn syrup and artificial dyes.  We limit sugar, sodas, and junk food.  He gets fresh fruits and vegetables as snacks, but occasionally eats candy and chips, etc. Don't serve the same food in a 4 day period.  We also added essential fatty acids to his diet.  We use Efalex (efamol.com) but you can use flax oil if you also supplement with DHA.  His behavior, speech and congative sills improved after two weeks.  He obey, is mature, and very polite.  He is not perfect by any means and still has the occasional problem with impulsivity but is NOTHING like he used to be.

You can also try giving specific praise for good behavior and minimize reactions to bad behavior. Give more positive praise than trying to correct the bad behavior. Yelling and spanking do not help to correct the behavior.  My son would not go in time out either.  My son responds will to incentives, such as "if you are good all week during Bible school then we can go to the park on Saturday".  Bribery?  Yes but when they are young it helps.   State the consequences for bad behavior up front and always follow through.  "If you throw your toys when you are angry you lose the toy for a week". Then give positive praise when he is angry and does not throw the toy.  1-2-3 Magic worked for us too and you can get the book at Amazon.com.

I would try these and then if you either see no improvement or still have problems then you need an assessment by a psychologist or psychiatrist.

[DENISE]

try my web page for some more info into language disorders and relevant topics. You may find something tht looks familiar. My son was very frustrated by his inability to communicate, and by a few other things. The groupd thing....does he ever not respond when you call his name? Does he ever not look up when someone enters a room? Has he ever watched your lips when you speak?

These are some signs of central auditory processing disorder (CAPD) in young children. CAPD can sometimes cause a language delay and other behaviors.

www.geocities.com/denisev2/