anxious 4 year old

My 4.5 year old has some bizarre social behaviors with mainly familiar adults. He is perfectly charming and social with strangers...adults that he's never met...grocery story attendants, waitresses, librarians. And he plays well with other kids and warms up to them quickly.However, he is extremely shy with adult friends and relatives that he knows. His shyness usually only lasts thru the initial greeting. Once the initial hellos are given he will eventually warm up and end up talking with those same adults he shyed away from initially.

Any suggestions?

[RockRose]

Could you clarify?  Initially you state he is shy with adults  he knows, and then you state that isn't the case,  his shyness lasts only through the intitial greeting.  

Your post is quite cryptic.   Could you take a second run at making things clear?

[BethCan]

Sorry...I was trying not to be too long winded but I'll try to be more clear. His anxiety only shows itself with familiar adults...grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, family friends. He doesn't want to say hi or greet them. For instance, we met friends at the park the other day and when he saw that my friend was there too he just sat on the ground and wouldn't come any closer to the park. I tried to coax him but he said, no I'll just quietly sit here (away from the adults). Then my friend's son came over (his little buddy)  and said hi and they hugged and they were off playing however he pretty much avoided my friend. When we left he did say bye though. Goodbyes are fairly easy for him but the initial hellos are hard. Another pretty typical example happens when we visit grandma and grandpa that we see once a month (at least). When we walk up to the door he hangs back. We usually walk in and have to come back to get him because he doesn't want to come into the house. We'll finally get him in but he won't want to say hi or give hugs. Then after that initial greeting (or non-greeting I should say) he'll eventually warm up to them...talking, going to the park, picking apples and even letting them watch him so his dad and I can go out. I guess I'm just baffled that he can be so warm and friendly to perfect strangers...he has no problem saying hello to them and introducing himself...but he seems to have such anxiety with people he knows. Bizarre! I have lots more examples if it's still not clear. Thanks for any help.

[LRM1021]

You know what,this is pretty normal behavior. Strangers don't have specific expectations-- and he does not feel compelled to be extra warm to them. People he knows may come up and hug him, or kiss him, or ask him questions or stuff like that- and its pressure. So he needs some space to warm up, and then he's fine. I think at least 60% of the children I know are like this.

I know it can be distressing especially to grandparents-- but it will end and its nothing personal. Pushing him will make him feel even more self concious. Just let him warm up and then he will be fine. Putting pressure on him will just make it worse.

[BethCan]

Thanks so much for the advice and encouragement. It is hard not to put pressure on him because it does hurt some feelings. But I think you're right if I don't focus on it that is the best thing.