back talking/yelling during temper tantrums

Posted By Valarie Casto on March 19, 1999 at 11:04:04:







I am a special education teacher and have taken classes in the area of child development but everything changes when it is your child.  My three year old daughter is throwing some major tantrums that can last up to thirty mins at a time.  Once she is disciplined (the big bad no word) she begins to back talk and says things such as "I don't love you, I can if I want etc." she will not stop the behavior until she is removed then the tantrum starts.  She will cry and scream hit the wall and throw things for up to thirty mins.  She also screams out "don't look at me" and other things during the tantrum.  I have tried letting her cry it out, yelling and of course spanking which does not work.  I continue to tell her she can be mad but she should not yell and say mean things.  I do not want to hurt her spirt but I do think the tantrums are excessive.  What can I do to lessen the tantrums so that it is not a thirty min. deal?  She will scream " I want my mommy" but if I say "well come here then, she screams out " I want you to come to me etc.  I am totally aware that this is a power struggle and I want to know how to get out of the struggle in a productive way.  Any suggestions would save our family from nightly struggles.  Thank you for your time.  Valarie Casto