behavior and daycare

[nickowick]

I have a 2.5 year old daughter in home daycare.  She's been with this daycare provider since the age of six weeks.  Until several months ago, the provider only had two girls total to watch, the other girl is only two weeks younger than my daughter.  Now the provider is watching two additional kids, a four year old, a one and a half year old, and an infant.    

Recently, the provider has been complaining about my daughter's behavior, that "she wants to have things her way," and that "i don't know what you do at your house, but we don't do that here."  I had to bite my tongue when she told me this.  After more discussion, I think it boils down to two things:  tantrums and difficulty following directions.  The tantrums are brief, usually last less than a minute, and I always thought are normal behavior so long as they don't persist. Now onto the second issue.  We often have to repeat requests to our daughter and sometimes take whatever it is that's causing the problem away from her.  If we have to take something away from her, then sometimes she throws a brief tantrum on the floor and other times she'll throw something or knock something down.  In the case of throwing or knocking something down, we follow up with a time out (a count to five).  This is manageable for us, and my wife and I are satisfied with it, but not so with the provider as she is dealing with more kids, esp. when it comes to quiet/nap time.  Our daughter got sent home today because she did not want to go to sleep or watch t.v. quietly on the couch, instead wanted to play with toys in the room and ended up throwing a tantrum.

Now I'm not happy with the provider and I think some of the problems lies with her, but on the other hand, maybe we need to be stricter with our daughter?  

[amy22mommy]

A child of this age is becoming more aware of her individuality and independence.  Tantrums and a lack of following directions is normal.  Work with your daughter by modeling how to better express anger, disappointment and frustratioin through words. " Your upset because..."  "You want to..."  "I know you want to...but I need you to..."  and together come up with alternatives (if possible).  Talk to you daughter in advance to prepare her an event like quiet time.  "At quiet time today you will have two choices..."  Advance warning will prepare her. I would have trouble with a childcare provider who would rather have a child watch tv than play! If possible I would look around for another provider.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

If you and the provider follow the regimen detailed in Lynn Clarks' book SOS Help for Parents you will be pleased with the results. Your daughter's behavior is not outside the normal spectrum. Having said that, it does require systematic management and Lynn Clarks approach is one 'you can take to the bank'. (Note: see www.sosprograms.com)