behavior problems

My son will be 4 in April and we are having some behavior issues,  He is constantly telling everyone in his life that he hates them and calling us names such as idiot.  He doesn't listen to anyone and will do whatever he wants with little or no regard to the punishments that he may receive.  He has gotten into the habit of throwing major tantrums if he doesn't get or thinks that he is not going to get his way.  He has been a patient of a child behavior therapaist since April of last year.  The doctor only met him twice and diagonsed his with ADHD and a sign of a mild mood disorder and mild depression.  

He was in a daycare for two weeks the summer of 2006 and had to be taken out because of severe separtaion anxiety.  I have since gone back to work part time and he stays with grandparents or his dad when possible.  

I don't know how to get a handle on this behavior without having to resort to the prescribed ADHD medicine that doesn't work anyway.  It only makes things a lot worse and when he is on the meds, no one will keep him.  I find it hard to keep him myself.

I am up for any suggestions

[jdtm]

Your post reminds me of my friend's grandson.  He was diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) at seven years of age.  He was removed from the public school system and taxied to an alternative school for about one year.  Later, he was diagnosed with severe social anxiety and not ODD.

I am wondering if the ADHD diagnosis is incorrect.  It is not uncommon for children suffering from anxiety to be mis-diagnosed.  Our own child was diagnosed with severe social phobia, depression and later thought to also suffer from ADHD.  The ADHD was an incorrect diagnosis - anxiety often mimics this disorder.  If the ADHD medication does not work, this could mean that the diagnosis is wrong.  Tantrums and frustration and anger are common behaviours of several of the anxiety disorders.  Separation issues and depression are also common to several of the anxiety disorders.

I might suggest you seek out a medical person with experience in anxiety disorders or perhaps a child neurologist or child psychiatrist/psychologist.  Even if anxiety is not the correct diagnosis, it appears that the diagnosis you have been given is not correct.  I might also suggest you google "childhood anxiety disorders" or some other similar word grouping to see if any of the descriptions match your son.  I wish you the best -

[SeriousSam]

ADHD is actually extremely rare and one of the most overdiagnosed and poorly defined disorders.  I would read up on it and see if it could be controlled more readily by diet.