behavior

My 4 year old son can dress himself,as most children his age can,so usually after his shower/bath he gets out,i dry him off and he goes to his room and puts his clothes on. Today was different,he was in his room for awhile,so i went to check on him,because he was unusually quiet.I walked into the room and noticed him doing and up and down motion underneath his blanket,so i removed the blanket and he hadnt gotten dressed and was humping his stuffed animal,i honestly had no clue what to do so i stayed calm and proceeded to ask questions,but im still confused,i will not let him watch anything other than age appropriate shows or movies,however his father and i have been seperated since before he was born and his father now has a girlfriend and my son used to sleep in the bed with both of them for a long time up until recently from what his father says he just started sleeping in his own bed. He is my first child,so i dont know if this is normal behavior for him to explore,or if he saw something at his father's house he shouldnt of,should i seek professional counseling for my son. Im at a loss and im confused,what should i do?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The behavior you describe generally does not occur spontaneously with children, and it is likely he was prompted to do it because of something he witnessed. You have to use your judgement, of course, but it would be helpful to know if he could have witnessed sexual behavior while at his father's house. There is no indication that counseling is necessary, but it is important that he not be overly stimulated by exposure to behavior that is inappropriate for his age.

[aid821]

It's not unusual for children to explore but it's always hard to define what is appropriate. It is possible he may have landed on the toy at first and noticed it felt nice against his body, and in particular, his penis. It's normal for boys to make the distinction between touching 'it' and feeling pleasure. (the body has a different response to touch that say hands),

My first approach would be to casually quiz him on what happens at his dad's house, such as "have you been watching any cool movies at Dad's?" ( to eliminate any innapropriate movies) and "have you creeping into Dad's bed?" (said in a slapstick kind of way) obviously you have to be carefully how you word it as he may pick it up.

I don't know how well you get on with/keep in contact with your son's father, but it might be handy to mention it to him, maybe he could keep an eye on him, to watch for anymore exploratory behaviour.

You may have already tried this but perform a process of elimination like above before counselling perhaps, but if it continues, make an appointment. All the best :)

[myboys628]

Now I am more than sure he saw something he shouldn't have. He said to me last night,"put your head between your boobies",so then i asked him where did see that? He answered I saw it on ----- tv,so i know for sure he saw something while visiting his father that he shouldnt' have. What his father doesnt understand is that our son is not a friend,he is only 4,but some of the things he does is so inappropriate for a 4 year old. I would love to discuss this situation rationally,but he is the type of person,that would try and turn it around on me,or automatically get defensive and act immaturely about the entire situation.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

If it were a more minor issue I would advise you to let it alone - you cannot dictate what occurs in his father's home. But, in this instance, it is important, so it would be wise to do your best: call it to his father's attention (not in an accusatory manner) and ask for his feedback. Take the approach that you are 'in this together' for the sake of your son and adopt a collaborative approach. If your son's father does not respond well, you will at least have made the point and know that you did all you can reasonably do.