being honest with my child

I recently went thru a divorce and the judge could do nothing but tell me how bad it was to tell my child that her dad is not her real dad and that there is someone who is her real dad and she has two brothers. the judge gave my 2 girls (2 and 4 yrs old) to my now ex because the judge said I was damaging my daughter, but he lied and said she said something mean to him regarding that comment was it wrong to tell my 4 yr old the truth at 4

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It's clear that there is a lot going on in your situation, so I'm hesitant to weigh in on this single question. While in and of itself there is nothing inappropariate about talking with a child of four about their family situation, they really are not equipped to understand the message. Whether or not a judge agrees with such a decision, custody decisions would never rest on a single issue like that.