beyond horrible four and three year old behavior

I have read many books, posts etc.  We are consistant with time outs until quiet for five minutes.  They will not stay in their room so we lock the door and we say one time, "Children who stay in their room do not have to have the door locked.  When you choose to be quiet for five minutes, you will come out."  They bang on the door.  Cry, scream, hysterical for 30 minutes+ until come down and are quiet.  We are positive, play with them, are consistant.  We have tried spanking and we do not like it and they did not change behavior so we are still in our consistant time out program.  Problem is, have been doing this for over six months, no improvement. They call us stupid, time out, bother us during the night (bothering not considered basic needs help - water, comfort from sickness, nighmares etc....) and they do not listen.   We  are then in time out consistantly.....All the while we are positive and sincere in our praise and ask them questions like, "How do you feel when you behave, are you happy with your fill in the blank behavior....great job making xxx specific good choice."   Why is this not working?  After six months of this and no improvement, we have slowly become this month traveling downward -getting frustrated, yelling, raising voice etc....thing we are trying very hard not to do.....I am tired....I am not a yelling person.   I want a peaceful home.  After reading all this, please help.....what are we doing wrong on are end.....what do we need to enforce more on theirs?  We are not spoiling our children, we are consistant, we play and are positive and now are becomming out

[babygirl6152]

does daddy have a big voice?

[margypops]

It seems as if they are mimicking the behavior you meet out to them, locking children in their room can only make them fearful,like being imprisoned,there is a good book out there called SOS help for Parents by Lynn Clark it will help you. These children are very young to be acting out this way so your assumption that you are dealing with it wrongly, albeit doing your best ,is correct and it is good you have seen it.Lets go back, what is it that triggers the behavior that you need to put them in so many time outs? perhaps it would be better to "nip them in the Bud" dont feed into some of it, take a step back, too much yelling , and confrontation,they are also probably copying each other, maybe do some seperation in the house , do have have plenty of outside activity and Games, is Dad involved playing with them.Distraction works pretty well and if you get them busy before they act out it will help in defusing any situation waiting to arise.Not easy is it and I can tell you care,

[Natta1980]

I agree with not locking them in their room - you have to make them stay, they get out, bring them back

Look for behavior triggers.

Try ignoring bad behavior altogether and deny activities once they start acting out. They may be doing it for attention, and any is good, even negative. By yelling and locking them in their room you give them a lot of negative attention.

In terms on night time, I have a hard time beleiving that they wake up to annoy you on purpose. Try to figure out why they are waking up. My son wakes up when barometric pressure is high


Good luck