biting others and self biting in four year old

[frustrated mommy]

My child (3) and her best friend (4) are 8 mo apart. The problem is that for over a year now the child has been biting and scratching my child and has now started biting her self and if we stop her from biting or my child runs from her she lies and says that she was not going to bite her she was going to give her a kiss.  We have tried everything we can think of.  The child does not try to hide it.  The Child has very good lanuage skills in both english and spanish and is very intelligent.  I know she knows what she is doing and knows that it is wrong, however it seems as if she does not care.  The only time she get up set about it is when she is in trouble.  The other really odd thing is that she is older than my child and she still speaks in thrid person. She refers to herself by her name as apossed to me or I. She seems to disassociate her self from her actions. My question is are the behaviors related and are they linked to being bilingual and is there anything we can do?  The parents don't feel that it is that big of a deal.  They don't see the whole picture.  My fear is that biting at four may lead to worse things when she is older.  The parents claim that my clid is the only person she bites and that it only happens when she is provoked.  However I know this is not true I have seen her sit by my child and scratch her for no reason and continue until my child cried.  And I know she has biten at least 2 other children.  This all seemed to start after the child started preschool.    

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It is doubtful that this child's bilingual status is associated with the oral aggression. Only when children have language delays (bilingual or not) do they experience frustration/anger that sometimes results in aggression with peers. It is more likely that she is not yet 'ready' to relate socially, and in that sense her social development may be a bit behind. It is also possible, of course, that she displays some form of emotional disorder; that would have to be evaluated by a menatl health professional who can see her and her parents face to face. You really cannot do anything directly; it is up to her parents to seek help. If the staff at the preschool notice anything, perhaps they can reason with the parents.